寿司 （すし）

When I started with this whole idea of 'one food adventure a week' thing, I immediately knew I was going to do sushi at some point. It is just everywhere here, and my view of it has changed from 'high-class fancy' to 'everyday food'. So, I had to try to make it myself.


Alright- sushi history lesson, Tiffany-style! Which means only marginally accurate, with changes to the truth flippantly made if I think it would be funny enough.

Basically, back in the day there was no real refrigeration, without all the electricity and whatnot. So the Asian folk had to preserve their food somehow, and what they had on hand was a shitload of rice. So, they would soak the rice in vinegar, and then pack a ton of it around each fish. Later, they would break open the rice shells and eat the fish, which I suppose had been preserved by the vinegar. Although, there had to be some spoilage, at least in the rice. The smell must have been…potent. Who would want to eat that? Maybe it's the real reason Asians are so damn skinny.

Anyway, for this reason, I'm amazed that sushi was born when someone who must have had way too much saki decided to eat the rice with the fish. Viola! Sushi. And probably some kind of dysentery.

Today, the name 'sushi' means 'it's sour', and actually refers to the rice, not the fish. You learn something new every day.


I had visions of going to Chinatown and buying fresh fish and produce for my rolls. Chinatown has all kinds of awesome stuff, usually pretty cheap (for out here). Open markets, produce stalls, actual butchers, and noodle shops, which are my favorite. I really want to buy some fresh noodles at some point, but I'm not sure how to order, and not looking like an idiot is pretty high on my list of daily to-do's. I'll get over it and go in there sometime soon.

Did you guys watch Sesame Street when you were a kid? Do you remember that song, 'One of these things is not like the other; one of these things does not belong…'? well, whenever I'm in Chinatown, that song plays cheerfully through my head on an endless loop while I hunch down and try to look inconspicuous.

Anyway, reality set in, and I realized that it was kind of scary buying fish I wasn't going to cook out of stalls and the back of vans. So I chickened out and went to Whole Foods. Don't judge me.




The rest of the stuff I just got at the regular market. Many things were labelled with Japanese script, so I wasn't exactly sure what I was buying, but it made me feel cool.

'Massaging' the rice. Apparently I shouldn't quit my day job

The part that scared me the most about making this was the rice. Rice is integral! And me and starch don't have that good a history. I'm always overcooking pasta into a glutenous mass.

Rice isn't very far behind in that regard.

So I bought a rice cooker. The ease of stress alone was worth it, since it was only like $10, a bit of the bottom burned. I chose to think of the burned layer as a protective barrier for the rest of the rice.

Spreading sticky rice - harder than it looks. Also, I have man hands.

I have a little book on how to make sushi, and it came with a DVD (!) so the whole time I was watching the thing in sporadic bursts on the XBOX. Hence the controller above. There was lots of rice washing and specific ways you can touch the rice - I apparently screwed it up, because my rice was a bit too clumpy. I blame the rice cooker.

Ready for some 魚 (fishies)

After the rice was all vinegared up, I started in on slicing fish, which ended up being harder than I thought it would. I kind of mangled some very nice, expensive fish. It's hard, ok!? There was sadness.

After this it was time to put everything together, and again, I got too excited to take pictures. Plus this was taking WAYY longer than I thought it would, and I had a husband in danger of going into a Hunger Coma on my hands. I also scrapped the miso soup idea, which is usually kind of a must with sushi, really. Love it.

David took over for a second with the camera. As you can see, he can hardly stand upright to snap a photo. This man needs food, quick!

Being a dork in our hallway kitchen

Rolling up the sushi with my nifty mat! The level of difficulty of getting the rice out of the mat later was pretty high - less nifty.

Sushi = seaweed square + rice + random fish bits/avocado. Roll and slice. The rolls were generally pretty until my knife got a hold of it. Apparently, they are really dull, because there was more squishing than actual cutting. Kind of pissed.

Sushi Feast. Sort of.

Anyway, this was my final product. I made a Rainbow Roll, various nigiri sushi, a maki roll, -something random in the middle because I forgot to use my sesame seeds, and by god, I was going to -and finally, a hand roll. Cuz I think they're pretty, but annoying to actually eat (too much seaweed at once). I think we ended up throwing it out.

How do you like that presentation? I know all the cool chefs use overturned Pyrex for their presentation.

I don't have any platters, ok!? They are probably in a box in Corene's garage.

David, overjoyed to finally being allowed to eat.

The nigiri sushi! Salmon, Ahi, and shrimp.

Extreme closeup of Rainbow roll. Supposed to be a California roll with slices of fish and avocado on top. My roll is looking a little anemic.

Salmon avocado roll. Sesame seed usage! ah ha ha ha!

I like a lot of avocado on my rolls.

The photogenic but never eaten hand roll.

Maki rolls! Love the simplicity. I made Ahi and Salmon ones.

All in all, a fun venture. But, a pain in the butt. I don't know if I'll ever do it again. It is hard to get the rice seasoned just right, and it ends up being time-consuming. I think I'll hit up the grocery store and get my California roll for $6 in the future.

Sushi smile! Because I'm a big dork. Not like this is news to anyone.

*My thanks to Josh Whetstone, Japanese speaker extraordinaire, who provided all the translations for this post.*

Me and Craigslist are like THIS

Here I am trying to Nerd Cool (yes, I believe such a thing exists. I may be in denial, but I like it here.) But it is not such a good look on me. It always comes across more like Dork Loser. However, I need a visual for this post, so it stays.

I feel like I've spent the last 2 years of my life on craigslist. I could write a Craigslist for Dummies book. First, I spent untold hours selling all our stuff before the move to Hawaii, and then turned around and did the same thing buying it all back on the other side. Then I was trying to find a place. And a job. And then another place to share with my sister. And then another job. And then a new place once our lease was up. It's come full circle, and now I'm back to selling all our crap before we move back to Texas. All we have is a big metal moving box - whatever doesn't fit gets left behind.

It's weird to think that everything inanimate that has ever mattered to me will be in one small box on a boat. One little disaster and we'd be back to square one. Goodbye, computer and all our pictures we've ever taken. Wedding Album. Gifts given whose worth in sentimentality greatly outshines the original cost of the item. Lots of bad paintings by me. (On second thought, the bottom of the ocean might not be such a bad place for those). It's kind of a freaky feeling. I know it's just stuff, and we shouldn't be materialistic, but it's OUR stuff. It represents maybe a billion hours worth of searching and haggling with strangers, and just as much time being the stage for my memories of the past two years.

And as soon as we hit the other side, I'll be back on, looking for furniture, cars, apts and jobs. I am so ready to be done with craigslist. To have a little while where I can settle down in one place and not have to worry about the near future when I will be moving or whatever. Just some time in a home I can come to and not have to evaluate the future cost of moving for each item. It's actually been a good exercise in minimalism out here - whenever we go to buy something, we ask ourselves, 'do we really need that?' because odds are we don't have space, or we won't have room to ship it back to the mainland.

Of course, that will be remedied when we pick up all the stuff we didn't deem important enough for the ride over to Hawaii. I vaguely remember it being like 1/3 of our total belongings. Although at this point, I have no idea what else we could have really needed. Every now and then I miss my sweaters and giant roasting pan, but other than that, I have no idea what's in all those boxes. It's going to be like Christmas in June.

Or the Nightmare Before Christmas, depending on what we find.

What is This World Coming To

What ever happened to Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies? Sometimes I see kid's cartoons today, and I shake my head and wonder what was wrong with the classics.

Then I saw this, and just about swore off having children altogether.

Does this appeal to any of you? If so, you stay far away from my future children. All packages will be searched.

Seriously.

Check out the marketing spiel:

Hot Dog Hideaway™
Build-It-Yourself Meat House Kit*


What child doesn't imagine a house made of meat during the holidays? Our bestselling Hot Dog Hideaway kit comes with enough cured deli slices and kosher dogs (Over 10 pounds!) to make a veritable McMansion of meat! Not only will you get the complete Hot Dog Hideaway, but also a set of meat landscaping materials to make pimento loaf trees and meatball bushes.


Pimento Loaf Trees?!

Although I have to say, I know a few guys who would eat a pimento loaf tree, if it came down to it. -cough Paul cough-

You know you would.


*Yes, this really does exist - and is expensive, too: http://www.mcphee.com/a09/118943.html

I Iz Hawaiian. Howzit.

This was me this weekend.

Ok, that's not techincally ME, but the theory is the same.

This weekend one of my coworkers offered to take me paddle boarding! I see people doing it all the time, but have never had the chance to go myself. So David and I were exicted about a few hours of time in the water with a friend.

I should have known better.

While giant beach parties are considered by us land-locked people too big of a deal to throw together on a whim, it is like second nature to Hawaiians. Everyday is a beach party to many of them.

So we were having a really hard time trying to finding Grant and his friend - where were they? We finally found them under several shade tents, with tons of food and a portable bbq pit, and a dozen other people. When the Hawaiians go to the beach, they go to PARTY. I should have guessed.

After meeting everyone, it was Time to Laugh at the Haoles. We tried out the boards first. I quickly gathered that it was much harder than it looked, especially for the balance-impaired. Also, the wind was like a freaking gale all week, so it kept blowing my tall ass right into the reef. I spent a lot of time on my knees, paddling away from it, because I was completely ineffectual when standing. I was doing good to remain standing alone, much less while paddling.

I had a good time though. I felt very local, although I'm sure I looked like a freaking idiot. I had no idea what I was doing and was affecting that half-hunched, stiff posture I do when I want to disappear and not be noticed by people. Which just makes me look like a deformed person. I know this, yet I cannot stop myself from doing it.

So, in all my dorky glory, I had a good time. I was trying to be super-considerate with the boards, since the guy who lent them to us had never met me before. So when David tried to come right next to me to talk, I told him to get away from me, and gave him a helpful push.

He may or may not have ended up falling in the water.

Also at one point I ran over an old guy swimming.

We did alright. David was getting it by the end. He was handicapped with a too-short paddle, so we were both doing the hunchback thing. Tandem Losers! We are perfect for each other.

It's another thing to check off the list - paddle boarding! Lots of people actually surf while paddle boarding, but I figured I was enough of a danger to myself and others already.

*By the way, howzit is the one pidgin word that I love and will attempt to bring to the mainland. It's like 'how are you' in one simple word. How are you doing..How's it going..howzit. Nice.*

'You Must be 40% Mountian Goat to Hike This Trail'

We recently got a hiking book, (finally) which I have scoured through and marked all sorts of trails I wanted to go on from the safety of my seat in the food court. On the weekends, when faced with actually hiking these things, I have to take a minute and reconsider. All the hikes I really want to go on have these small sections in the description where they will use words like 'slippery', 'extremely steep', and 'eroding'. These cause some hesitation, because - it's me. If possible, I WILL fall off that mountain, and I do not want to be a paraplegic.

I keep putting them aside for when 'I've been working out consistently for a while.'

BWAHA HA HA! This means we will never go on them.

At the top of the ridge

On this particular day, David and I were feeling lazy, so when I came across a hike that was only 3 miles and 700 ft gain in elevation, I was so in.

Foolish girl.

Gently rolling at this point

Turns out that most of the hike is a nice, gently rolling stroll.

Then 1/4 of a mile is heart attack inducing.

Hi! Lily was having a good time.

After we got back, I looked the trail up on the computer, and it is referred to as 'cardiac hill'. You start at the top of a ridge and go straight down the side of the mountain to the valley below, which as the waterfall ,which was the whole reason to do the hike in the first place. Isn't a waterfall supposed to be all zen and relaxing? Haven't these people heard of switchbacks?! There were rope secured in some places in an attempt to reduce the instances of death on the trail.

Rope insanity

STEEP. Wimpy leg muscles rebelling.


Going downhill is supposed to be the easy part. My defective knees felt differently.

I was just appreciating how much it was going to suck climbing back up when this guy came into view, puffing up the trail with a child on his back. And not a small kid either, I'm talking like around 4 years old. Holy Crap. I kept an eye out for him on the way back, just in case he passed out behind a bush or something.

The valley! I was so ready for a dip in that pool.

The lower falls


Once I got this far in, I was less sure about that dip I had been dreaming about. In the time it took to take this picture, my legs went numb.

It took some serious mental hype to actually jump in.

Dang, I'm not going to be mistaken for a local anytime soon.

Insert Hawaiian luau music here

What am I doing? Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto! Also, I kind of look like those Sobe

lizards dancing 'Thriller' on that commercial I hate so much.


Once there, we just kind of hung out and relaxed, played in the water, debated whether the rope swing would kill us if we tried it, had some snacks, and did some sunning. We were practically alone most of the time. Of course, I used this time to do nothing, and only broke out the camera right when we ere leaving and a Hawaiian Horde descended upon us. Oh well.

This dog and I were having a moment. I like taking overexposed photos, apparently. I tried to get Lily up there to recreate the moment, but she was having none of it.



Lion King! It's the Circle of Life, Bitches.





David jumping from way too high. Hello life support



He apparently was thinking the same thing, because we had to wait a while. Here we are, waiting for the jump. Lily is attempting to sit in my lap on a rock, bc she is freaking cold. And miserable, as you can see.

Trying to get a shot of all three pools - failing miserably.

Top Waterfall

Flows down into this middle pool

And then ends in the pool we jumped into.

Going back - LAME. Look at all the ankle-twisting opportunities!

Adventure Dog

What trail?

I kept trying to take pictures to show the steepness of our hike, but to no avail. Someone invent a 3D camera, already. I started checking on how the picture is going to actually look by closing one eye and looking through the viewfinder. Less than impressive. Also, as you can imagine, lack of depth perception caused a little bit of stumbling and almost falling over. I never learn. Other hikers probably thought I was drunk at 11 am. Classy.

Even Lily looks exhausted

Hiking out - excited. Insert usual incline whining/sarcastic remarks here.

Treacherous Roots. We call this a Tifftastrophe Waiting to Happen.

Top. Tired.

Pretending we take a jaunt like this everyday before breakfast!

Reality.

I loved this tree. Even exhausted and starving, it was worth stopping for. It looked like God had reached down and twisted it like a candy cane. I tired to get a cool picture of the bark with only partial success.

I had taken 5 pictures when David said, "You can stay out here alone and gnaw on your new best friend for sustenance, because I'm starving and going home."

Walk along the ridge back to the car. It was really beautiful with the mountain range in

the background, but you can't even see it in the picture. Phooey.

All in all, it was a lovely hike, at least in my memory. While hiking the trail, I was probably not so generous. But the cascading waterfalls at the end were definitely worth it.

Self Control is Overrated

So, I succumbed to my sweet tooth yet again, and this week's food experiment is another sweet thing. I promise, next week will be a non-dessert item. I am just more interested in desserts - they are so much more creative and interesting! Well, to me anyway. And guess who's in charge of this little shindig?!

So. Donut Pies. As soon as I saw this, I knew I had to try it. I mean, really?! Houston, we are at Awesome Level 10.

The day I had slated this cooking extravaganza to take place was also our weekend hiking day. On the way home from the hike I turned to David and said, ''I'm freaking starving. If I have to go home and eat half a chicken breast, there is going to be unpleasantness.'' So we stopped at one of my fav burger joints, Burgers on the Edge, and shared gastronomic nirvana on a bun. Since this was in the same shopping center as the grocery store, I figured, two birds with one stone. I hate leaving the house.

So I know it wasn't my good looks (I was currently makeup-less, bedraggled, and smelling like an ox) that got the checker boy's attention when he asked me if I was making a pie. I replied, 'Um...kinda'. Of course, he wanted to know how you 'kind of' make a pie, so I told him the donut pie idea. He promptly told me when he was getting off, and said to feel free to stop by and let him sample the outcome. Several times. Men. Will Do Anything For Food.

Here you can see my 'ingredients' - basically, I picked up everything pre-made from the store. You could (and probably should) make everything yourself from scratch - the filling, the dough. But I don't have time for this measuring, mixing, and punching down, and whatever else you need to do to make good dough, because I have no idea what that is. Also, lots of dough recipes can really suck and you know what? Pillsbury has already spent thousands of dollars and employed food chemists and bakers to come up with the best possible outcome. In Pillsbury I Trust. And it's pre-rolled! How can you resist the convenience!? Besides, that flaky goodness needs to get to my mouth as fast as possible.

First, cut dough into 3 - 3/12 in wide strips. The recipe says 2 1/2 inches, that that is apparently for the people who like all the inner goo goodness to come leaking out all over the place.

Now the good part: fill with deliciousness of your choice. I went with apple (classic) and a cherry filling in honor of David's dad, who loves cherry pie filling. Apparently his mom sent him to bed every night with a can of cherry pie filling and Dr. Pepper. I told my mom this and she just about had a heart attack.


Yummy, gooey apple pie filling. You know you want some. If you end up using canned pie filing, be sure to taste it! I am constantly doubling spices in recipes, or adding them to things - this needed a lot of cinnamon. What is up, food industry? Bring it on! We can handle it.

Carefully pinch it closed. I was having some serious difficulty getting the seal to actually seal. What do you want from me, dough!? Just work already! Convenience Level: -5 points.

A more artistic shot of the sealing process. Do you know how hard it is to take a picture of yourself in the process of cooking? Very.


First finished DP! Hopefully will not disintegrate upon frying.

Cherry with a stripe of cream cheese. Because David loves cream cheese.

Now we were getting to the part that makes me nervous.

I pretty much never fry anything. It grosses David out, and that's not really what I'm going for when I serve him a meal. Personally, I will eat just about anything if it is fried and covered in cheese. And bacon. With Ranch.

MMMMM

But he prefers to plan on living past 60. Hopefully David will make me a better person, eating-wise. As I'm getting older the good genes are petering out, and I can no longer eat a pound of fried chicken and still go flouncing around in a bathing suit without some embarrassment. Of course, I am making things like these, so apparently enlightenment is still a ways off.

Anyway, the point being I'm pretty ignorant on how to fry things; there has to be more than 'heat up oil - throw in food'. Turns out, there is! *beware - quick learning moment. Skip next paragraph if you don't give a hoot.*

Whenever you fry things, there are always crazy amounts of bubbles. I always wondered what on earth was going on in there. In an extremely paraphrased explanation, as soon as the food hits the oil, it starts to steam, which creates those bubbles. As the steam exits the food, it moistens the outside, and allows the food to keep cooking properly. If the temperature is too high, the outside of the food sears shut, and the steam cannot properly escape, which screws everything up. Also, of you cook too long and no more steam is escaping, the oil starts to rush into the food, making it heavy, soggy and greasy. So, be sure to keep your oil at a constant temperature when frying these, preferably at 325 F. And don't over fry to avoid heavy nastiness.

Class dismissed.

Chopsticks work surprisingly well.

Donuts Pre-Glaze

Ok, after the frying and draining stage there is a big gap because I was Decorating, and I got too excited to actually stop and take a picture of the process. It isn't that interesting anyway. It's the outcome, not the journey. At least in pastry.

In the spirit of being a lazy ass, I used canned frosting. Just plop it into a shallow dish (I used Tupperware) and nuke it in the microwave for 30 seconds to get it to dipping consistency. I did a few normals ones, but then I started playing around by adding in cinnamon for the apples donuts, and cherry goo for that lovely pink color.

So, starting in the left hand corner, we have: apple DP with vanilla frosting a fruit, apple DP with cinnamon frosting, Cherry DP with cherry frosting and sprinkles (!) Cherry and cream cheese with vanilla, and cherry with chocolate and cherry glaze. Be still, my soon-to-be clogged heart.


Donut Pies Dissected

I barely got a picture of the plate, because after that there was this giant snorking noise, and all that was left was a few mangled pieces leftover donut. We declared this Extremely Delicious. The flaky, buttery crust mingled with the warm fruit and sweet icing was a fun handheld treat. Due to the extreme simplicity of these, this could be fun to do with friends, or even kids. If you pureed the filling you could probably make mini ones so your kids don’t go into a diabetic coma. Get creative! Have some fun!

Donut Pies

Ingredients:
· Pie Crusts (1 store-bought box yields around 6 decent donuts)
· Pie Filling
· Canned Icing
· Sprinkles/Decoration

1. First, choose your favorite pie crust recipe, or cheat like me and use a pre-made one.
2. Next, decide what your filling would be. For a good filling, you can mix one ripe banana, a small amount (1/4 cup, adding more to desired thickness) of heavy whipping cream, and 1 tablespoon of brown sugar, and two pinches of cinnamon. Mash it until it is incorporated, but still a little bit lumpy. You can fill them with just about anything you'd use in a pie though. Let your filling sit to the side.
3. Roll out your pie crust, and then score into strips. The strips should be about 2.5 (I say at least 3) inches wide, but as long or as short as you'd like. The length will determine how large the donut's circumference will be, so if you like mini donuts, keep them shorter.
4. Lengthwise, spoon a small amount of filling in each strip. Be sure to leave a small gap of space at the top and bottom of the strip.
5. Fold the crust over the filling lengthwise, so that you have a long, narrow, filled "log" of pie crust with filling inside.
6. Form into a circle.
7. Since we don't have a deep fryer, we filled a saucepan with about 3 cups of canola oil, or until it covers the donuts, set to med high heat. Once hot, gently place the donuts one at a time into the pan, frying about 3-4 minutes or until golden.
8. Gently remove from frying pan and place on paper towels to blot excess oil.
9. Garnish as desired: with additional fruit topping, whipped cream, ice cream, or for a more donutty look, chocolate icing and sprinkles or swirls. Yum.

Parents: The Death of Trust

Happy April Fool's Day, Everyone!

Even though there is a pretty good chance no one will look at this blog this week, much less today, I am going to delude myself and write a fun April Fool's Day story for my imaginary readers. Mainly because I'm on the phone with this Senior Citizen who will not stop telling me her medical sob story, even though I've told her I cannot help her maybe a 20 times, we are now on like the 5th iteration. So I know I have approximately 7 1/2 minutes to bang this story out.

First, I have to set this up. If you've known me for a long time, you know my Mom is kind of... eccentric. One of the things she used to be nuts about was making us eat healthy. I know, crazy! When I was a kid, for Christmas I would ask for a box of Rainbow Brite cereal, which I think had some sort of marshmallow bits in it, and therefore was Awesome. I knew I would never get it otherwise. Similarly, my sister once had to be picked up from a birthday party because someone offered her a chocolate chip cookie, and since she never heard of chocolate, she assumed somone was trying to make her eat bugs. She didn't stop screaming until Mom showed up.

So it's April 1st, 1986? Or something? Who knows. Somewhere around there. Anyway, Mom announces we are having hot dogs for dinner. Hot dogs?! I am so excited, I probably wet my Big Girl Pants or something. We NEVER get junk food. So, it was with much happy anticipation that I seated my trusting self at the dinner table that night. And there they were: the promised hot dogs. I picked mine up, admiring it's meaty glory, and closed my eyes, and, pretending I was on a sunny picninc in the park, took a big bite.

And nearly threw up.

Mom had painstakingly slit open each hot dog, and scooped out all the meat, leaving a meat....shell. Which she then filled with peanut butter and placed, slit side down, in the bun. I don't think you can grasp how exceedingly disgusting peanut butter meat shell dogs can be.

While Courtney and I are having a culinary fit, Mom was gleefully dancing around the kitchen, cackling and shouting, "April Fools!"

I don't think I ever trusted her in the same way again.