Adventures with Jen....Poor, Traumatized Jen

Ok, I lied. I think I had two days where nothing bad happened, because one of them is below. Thank goodness Jen had a few days of unstressful vacation.

This was actually my first day on the island with her, I believe. So we decided to ease into the outdoors with simple hiking and snorkeling. Well, as it turned out, not so much with the snorkeling.



But the hiking was good. It is the Makapu'u Trail, which is much more populated during the winter months, when you can see lots of whales. But, it also has a good view at the top. So, we spent some time together, just walking the trail.

Right around here somewhere, we left the trail in search of the Dragon's Nostrils, which are a couple of blowholes that are fun to watch. I think we even had a guide book to help us look, and no dice. We ended up kind of sliding down a steep slope looking for it, which is when we called it quits in favor of living to see another day.

At the top

After that, we headed out to Hanuma Bay to see some fishies. It is basically a big crater that has become a nature preserve, so the fish can get HUGE. Plus, you don't have to play Sherlock Homes constantly, because they are all very acclimated to humans.

Hello giant fishy! This a parrot fish, fairly close-up, because the tide was so low we were practically IN THE REEF at all times. It was nuts. There was like 5 inches clearance, and if you didn't catch the swells just right, you were going to go scraping across the reef. I spent a lot of time sucking in, because it we were so close, this actually made a difference.

This has always freaked the heck out of me, because I have a thing about eels. Such as I hate them. I always visualize one of them snaking out of the reef and biting my finger off. Therefore, I am always fighting with myself, trying not to race off and leave my visitor when I have a panic attack. Because here comes a swell and ON NO I'M GOING TO CRASH RIGHT INTO THAT REEF WHERE AN EEL WILL PLUCK MY EYEBALLS OUT AND CHEW OFF MY FINGERS, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY RUN AWAY.

Which is what I am thinking while I try to calmly point out that it is no problem, this is normal, oh look, a turtle!

On a side note, I am also thinking STUPID TOURISTS GET OFF THE REEF YOU'RE KILLING IT I HOPE AN EEL CHEWS YOUR TOES OFF.

Jen and I, Survivors of the Reef. We look like big dorks with those mask rings, but whatevs! We braved the Open Ocean.

Jen rode The Boat home with me from work one day while her friend was here the previous week. I have no idea why this is here, but again, to lazy to move it right now.

WAIKIKI

I had to work (again) so Jen came into town to mess around some before we headed out to a nice dinner with David that evening. She had gone surfing a couple of times and had fun, so she went back to hone her skill. Of course, there was drama.

I wish I could have seen it, but I was busy being responsible. But it basically broke down to this: surfers were out to get her.

EVERYONE who lives here knows that Waikiki is where all the tourists, who don't know any of the 'rules', go to surf. So I say, if you live here and surf there, don't come complaining to me about the 'newbies' because you are too lazy to drive 15 minutes to a different spot. Sadly, some times the old timers still take their frustrations out on the tourists, and just kind of mow them over.

In this case, literally.

I have no idea what it would look like, but I imagine something like this:

This guy ACTUALLY RAN OVER Jennifer! It was like Jennifer Surf Sandwich. He actually had to push his board off her, like she was a human sandbar or something. Really, experienced surfer dude?!

Luckily, she was not the worse for wear, and managed to look uber cute when we went out that evening.

Jen ended up treating us to Yardhouse, which I think is a chain they have in CA. It is awesome. I love that place. I had $22 macaroni and cheese, which might horrify some of you, but I'm kind of used to the prices by now. Jennifer loved it! I wish I could bring you some back girl! I think we all need to lobby for one to open in Dallas. Write your Senator. Or something.

Let the Disasters Begin

Jen started on her blog by calling this day A for Adventure, because she is too nice to use what fits better, which is S is for Suck.

In keeping with my OCD list, I had mapped out the island's weather in conjunction with the activities I had planned, bc it rains all the time here, somewhere on the island. So, on the day it wasn't supposed to rain in Kailua, I had scheduled our kayak day.

So, we get up early, pack up, get ready..... where are the car keys?

David, bless his heart (which now means I can say something mean), took BOTH sets of freaking keys to work.

But left the car.

Insanity. MY SCHEDULE! My precious schedule, it was RUINED. I tried not to be mad at him, but it was kind of hard and I ultimately failed. So I have some work to do in that department.

Back to the story, now we were at home with nothing to do, and in the middle of Nowhere, HI. Trying to salvage the situation, I decided there was a beach nearby that we could go to that was supposed to have great snorkeling. In truth, it did. At least that went right.

Our only hope was to hop a bus. However, I live in the middle of a giant, private resort so the nearest stop is kind of a hike. It was a little cloudy, but that happens all the time, it will just blow over.

Yeah, not so much.

About half way there the skies open and proceed to drench us. Sodden, we finally get to the highway, sludge through the brackish water in the side lane, and sprint across it to get to the bus stop and wait.

And wait.

It was right about then we realized that leaving the camera behind was a dreadful mistake, because this was so terrible it was funny. I can only imagine what those pictures would have looked like. You can't fake that kind of wretchedness.

Lame re-enactment

Finally it came and we hopped on. That 65 degree temp sure felt good on our wet clothes. A few miles later we hopped off again, and this time tried to cheat death as we made our way across the highway sans traffic lights. Of course, cue the movie-style drenching via passing car. Belach.

The beach! Not much to look at, but oh my. Look at those waves. Hmm.

It was kind of a struggle, but we got out there and saw some fun stuff. We were apparently safe from insanity in the water. I later realized this was just the kind of false sense of security that had the cosmos laughing.

The real snub came when we were trying to catch the bus back home. A bus comes every 30 minutes, and we were waiting under the sign.

Oh! Here is comes. We looked at the bus driver and he stared at me AS HE DROVE RIGHT ON BY. I was pretty mad.

But Jennifer was LIVID.

I have never seen her so mad. It rivals the time she got that empty Sprite bottle as a White Elephant gift. That was also awesome. We called The Bus and complained, but they seemed less than concerned over the issue.

So we caught the next one and made it home in one piece, more or less. By this time my sister is home, and she graciously let us borrow her car, so we could try to go have actual fun. So, we grabbed my board and headed off to White Plains nearby to surf. However, the board does not fit in the car so well, so we ended up driving like this:

Sadly, my board is a POS, and because it was so cheap, it is also kind of small and really hard to get up on. Jennifer was all about tackling the challenge though! I was way proud of her for going out after it. She would probably be a total surfer chick if she lived out here.

We Should Have Just Stayed Home Day

This day was the pinnacle of disaster for the whole trip. drama, people....drama.



So, the original plan was this - some fun snorkeling, followed by a hike out to the point to see seals and the sunset. Then Home.



Simple.



Supposedly.



Well, Court is tagging along on this day, because she is moving soon and wants to see the island one more time before she leaves. However, she has already packed up all her snorkeling gear, so she borrowed David's mask. His fins, however, weren't going to work, so she was going to go barefoot.

We are at this particular beach, because I know that somewhere beneath those waves is a turtle cleaning station, and that is awesome.

Now if I could just remember where it is……

So, we head into the waves. It is a bit of a swim out there, so we've got some time. Jen is doing fine, as always, because she used to swim all the time. Court is having a bit of trouble, since she has no fins. So, I'm staying with her, because I'm more worried about here. Jen can take care of herself, no problem.

However, about halfway out there I looked up to check on Jen, and what I saw was this:



No Jen.

Holy Crap, NO JEN.

WHERE IS JEN!?!?

My brain proceed to freak out, and completely sever all contact with its logical half. All kinds of issues were flooding in my brain - dragged out to sea, eaten by a shark, oh no, what were all our friends going to say, I killed of Jen on her vacation! Ack.

Naturally, it was a bit wavy, so I was having a really hard time seeing further than 5 feet. I'm not sure how long this period of terror lasted, but it certainly felt like forever. It was probably more like 10 minutes. But still.

At this point, Courtney is tired and might possibly drown. She spotted a yacht with a dingy anchored nearby, and started to swim towards it for a better vantage point. After a bit, I swim after her, because I can't see anything.

I'm almost there when all of a sudden, my face is on fire. Then my hand. What is going on!? I look down, and notice that my hand is covered in tiny blue spots. Hmm, that's not normal… so I reached over and pulled off this nasty jellyfish that is stinging the absolute crap out of me. Maybe I'm a pansy, but my face freaking hurt.

So, when I pull up to the yacht, I don't even recognize that is basically full of male underwear models as I rip my mask off, looking frenzied while I claw at my face, and shriek out, "Do you see her?!" to Court, who is inside the dingy and looking around. Those guys must have thought we were crazy. Well, me, anyways.

After some intent peering, we see someone we think might be her, and head back in. Thank you Jesus (literally) it is her. There is much relief. Jennifer, being an intelligent person, swam back to shore LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO when we were separated. Court and I knew this, but tourists usually don't and since we hadn't had The Talk, I just assumed she didn't either. My logical brain half was probably shouting this at me - too bad I wasn't listening.

So the reunion. I was so relieved, I basically felt sick. There were tears, talking over one another, and a basic feeling of stupidity as I realized how dumb I was. And pain. Now that the adrenaline was dissipating, I was starting to realize that my face and hands were on fire. But basically, relief. Crisis over.

Or not.

Taking a few breaths to calm myself, I watch Court and Jen start to swim towards shore. I reach up to get my mask off my forehead, and…no mask.

NO FREAKING MASK.

NO BRAND-NEW, EXPENSIVE DIVING MASK.

David is gonna kill me.

So I raise the alarm. I have no way of looking myself, and I need one of their masks quick, before the current carries my mask (and myself) further away and in opposite directions. Imagine my extreme dismay when I realize they are still swimming to shore.

!@$$@^!@#%^.

Court wouldn't give up her mask until she made it to shore. Those 10 minutes I was freaking livid. So mad. To her credit, once Jen got the mask from Court, she was like a missile back to me. It was kind of astounding.

So we began the search, but it was too late. Finding it would be near impossible. I spent half my time desperately praying for the return of my mask. I spent the other half feeling like a materialistic idiot for praying about it. You know how it is. After like 20 minutes of my hope slowing dying a long, painful death, Jen and I called it off. Not wanting the day to be a complete train wreck, Jen asked if we could still try for the turtle cleaning station. That I still wasn't sure where it was. Oh please, let me find this.

Halfway out I see a spot of neon.

No.

It couldn’t be.

IT WAS

IT WAS MY MASK.

Really! Right there, perfectly framed in a blank patch of sand. I nearly blew out my lungs trying to get to it, but I was so excited I didn't care. I was about ready to sign up as a missionary at this point.

There was a minor celebration, and then we continued the search for the turtle station. Jen actually found it pretty quickly, thank goodness. It is fun to watch.

Basically, it is this giant boulder that turtles glide into, and get inundated by tiny cleaner wrasses, who swarm them. It's cool.

So, in the end, we emerged from the sea, triumphant. Sadly, we are now behind schedule, so lunch at the country club is out the window. We haul ass to the end of the isalnd to begin our hike out to the point.

It's a pretty plain trip out, some shoreline to see, etc.





Here we are on a sea arch:

Um, rock-scaling? I don't remember this. I think there used to be a board going actoss this chasm. I only hit my head once going over. It was going to be interesting doing in the dark.





The point!

There was a seal hanging out on the rocks.

The three of us at sunset - we made it!

Of course, now we had to hike back in the dark. Those rocks were an exersize in patience. The good news, by now my jellyfish stings were practically gone, and the swelling had gone down. The bad news was my feet had decided to take over in the pain department. I had blisters the size of my ears on my feet. It made the walk back a little slow, and I wasn't very talkative, so I was glad Court was there to keep Jen entertained.


Kayaking Day!

Today was an ambitous day - we were going to hike/waterfall jump and then kayak out to an offshore island.

So we went hiking first - it was pretty, and nice and uneventful. Although, there were a lot of stream crossings, so we had to be pretty careful going across. I think it might have stressed Jen out a bit, but she carried it well.

Don't drink the water



Jungle Swing

The trail


At the falls!



Preparing to Jump

Having survived the jungle, we decided to take on the sea. The plan was to paddle to an off-shore island.

Behold, our vessel:

I think this was a first for Jen, and although the kayak guy showed us how to paddle on the shore, it is a bit different in the kayak. Also, it becomes harder to expain when you can't look at each other. That, and I am apparently a terrible kayak instructor. So we were stuggling, a bit. Then Jen's contact fell out. Goodbye depth perception! Brother. Poor Jen. She made it through, though.
Getting the hang of it!



We finally made it to the island. Thank goodness, because it was a long paddle and my pitiful arm muscles were about to cede the union.

Becuase it's on The List, I made Jen take the difficult hike around to the back of the island, because it is Beautiful, And All. Thanks for putting up with me girl. I mean well....

Then, all too soon, it was time to get back in the kayak and head back to shore before our rental ran out. Suck it up, arms!




Ha! Victory over kayak.

Ugh, you know what I need?



That's right. Shakeritas. Freaking Awesome. At least it was open this time. After that we went home and passed out from exhaustion.

Last Day

This is the only picture we managed on the last day. Jennifer and I were beat from kayaking, and all we wanted was to do was lay on the beach and not move for some time. However, the fates (ahem - Courtney - cough cough) were against us. We did manage for a little while, and even got some snorkeling in - which was perfect timing for the last disaster, when Jen's camera suddenly broke. Sigh. Of course.

So, we ended up staying later than planned, and in an attempt to save some time by skipping the long line at Matsumotos, we tried the nearby Aoki's instead. Bad decision! It was way inferior to Matsumotos. We have learned our lesson.


Thus ended Jennifer's 'vacation'. She probably had to go home and take a vacation from her vacation! I was sad to se her go, but I think I managed not to cry on her when she left. Thanks so much for visitng - it meant the world to me. And I did have the best time with you, even though not everything went to plan. I hope you had some fun too.

Can't wait to see you back in Dallas! At least there is no water there for me to drown/lose you in.