Top Chef Finale! Or What the Hell Just Happened?

Some of you were asking where the Top Chef Finale post was, so – here it is. Although it is like 3 days later, so it is more like a post-live blogging blog. That, and I didn’t take notes, so all I remember is a sense of incredulity and yelling at the television a lot. SO! This should be interesting. Here we go!

8:00 – Last Week: New Orleans. We are teased with Jeff, then he goes away. Fabio gets the ax. Lots of Emeril, and amazingly the Bam! count is at 0. Carla wins because she puts love in every bite, and Stefan is an arrogant ass.

I find myself typing those words a lot in conjunction with Stefan on these posts.

Anyway, Final Contenders: Bug-Eyed Hootie Hoo, fairly useless guy from Colorado, Douchebag from Finland.

8:01 – I kind of missed the first few minutes, because I was watching Lost, and forgot all about the finale. Gasp! Wasn’t too worried, bc they will replay this thing maybe a million times. I assume there were lots of montages of the chefs mentally preparing themselves and looking serious. I join just in time to see Colicchio tell them to cook the best 3 course meal of their lives. Well, duh, dude. And that’s it. Kind of a lame start.

8:03 – Richard’s back! Yay! I loved that crazy dude. I hope he uses liquid nitrogen on something. I want at least one mad scientist item.

Also, two other people are back, and I have no idea who they are, bc I only started watching this show when we moved to Hawaii and finally got cable service.

Carla draws knives first, but ends up choosing her assistant last. Let’s hope this isn’t a trend.

Stefan picks Marcel, and calls him ‘kind of a twat’. I find this so funny, I must pause to laugh for a few minutes. Team Twat!

8:06 – Kitchen scramble. The fates are against Stefan, who misses out on the foie gras and the caviar, causing him to throw a manly fit. I am proud of Hosea for like 1 ½ seconds when he tells Stefan to suck it, but then I am once again disappointed as his kindergarten training kicks in and he offers to share. Hosea just wants to be loved.

8:07 – General cooking going on. Everyone about to pop a collective aneurysm.

8:08 – Why is Carla listening to someone who already lost?! Getting alarmed, here. And what the hell is sous vide?

8:09 – Fat Stefan is going on and on about sexy food. Stefan and sexy in the same sentence – I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

Commercial – I don’t know what it is, but those Charles Schwab commercials with the animated painted look kind of freak me out. That last lady looks like her face was like ½ lips.

9:13 – One of those retarded 8 second interludes. Voodoo? What the crap. And what is up with Stefan’s fixation on Jaime? Dude, I’m guessing she’s still a lesbian – GET OVER IT. Also, he admits to using voodoo on Carla and Hosea, therefore descending into previously unmentioned levels of douchebaggery.

Commercial – Holy crap, I hope you saw the insane Doritos commercial where a flaming marshmallow sets all his friends on fire, until he meets a rug, and they fly of into the distance. Does this say chips and salsa to anyone? It says LSD to me.

8:05 – Twist! The contestants aren’t surprised, because they were not born yesterday. We all just want to know what it is.

They just have to add a dish, and someone is going to get stuck using alligator. They decide who works with what by searching for a baby baked in the king cake. Which I have never understood, by the way. Kind of creepy, New Orleans.

Anyway, Hosea gets it. Stefan is screwed. Hosea flaunts victory by talking like a baby, and is suddenly in the running for King Douche. Points for flicking off Stefan, though.

So Hosea has fish, Stefan has alligator, and Carla has crabs.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

9:20 – CARLA QUIT LISTENING TO CASEY. SHE’S MESSING UP THE LOVE, GIRL.

I am worried.

9:27 – People start wandering in to the dining room. I see Fabio! He looks a little pissed. Other foodies are obviously present, including a guy who David remarks, “looks like he should be on Highlander”.

Hosea, is that a pancake on an upside down shot glass? What the hell are you doing?

Ok, everyone loves it. I apparently do not have a future as a food critic.

9:29 – Stefan takes a moment to lay claim to the $100K, amid other assery. It’s a good thing he can actually cook, otherwise he would be a complete waste of space who takes up valuable air the rest of us could have been breathing.

9:30 – Carla! Sharing the love. Her non-Casey dish is awesome, and all love it. Hope.

Hosea’s looks like a fish blew up on a plate.

Ok, I’m missing the actual dishes, but each one is like 2 sentences long. Let’s see you pull that out of your ass after 3 days.

9:34 – I KNEW IT. DREAD. Carla’s Casey Dish is nasty, and loses soul points. All the judges immediately guess that Carla’s passive personality has got her in trouble again. This might be a hard lesson to learn, here.

Does anyone get the sense that even Marcel thinks that Stefan is kind of a douche? That’s rough.

Hosea flaunts his foie gras by having like 3 items on one plate be made of foie gras. Rocco is tired of foie. Everyone else thinks he’s a moron, although they don’t say it out loud. Gail rolls her eyes so hugely that they disappear entirely into the back of her skull and I worry for a minute about whether they’re making it back.

9:36 – Richard comes through for Hosea on his final dish, venison, and there are carbonated blackberries! Yes! I actually want to go to his restaurant, even though he gave it the disturbingly sucky name, Trail Blais, as a play on words of his own name. Ugh.

DISASTER IN THE KITCHEN. Carla’s soufflé failed. And whose idea was soufflé? CASEY. Who wanted to do a tart? CARLA. Who is good at making tart and pastry crust? CARLA.

The defense rests. I spent a few minutes yelling at Casey via my TV screen.

Stefan wisely comes out with a dessert, which kind of looks like a bunch of random stuff on a plate. What is up with him and lollipops? Fixation much?

9:40 – Judges Table. It looks like after having long episodes this whole season, the Finale will end on time. What?

Carla – Has to be out, and she knows it. So sad. Vacuum meat, bad. Soufflé, bad. Casey Fail.

Hosea – somehow screwed up just slicing fish. Otherwise, actually pretty good. I was about to climb into my TV to eat that venison.

Stefan – Decent, as usual. He stays in character and speaks over the judges. Sadly, I don’t think that will finish him off.

9:42 – ‘Why I deserve the title’-
Stefan – I am the shit, so I deserve it (Ok, there might be a little paraphrasing here) Also, apparently squab can double for an autobiography now.

Hosea – used like 30 different buzzwords for ‘delicious’ and ‘flavor’

Carla – break down. She’s got the love. Stefan is sympathy crying, trying to show that he has a soul after all. I just feel awkward, for some reason. But then again, I have to change the channel pretty often whenever I get embarrassed for a character on any show. This happens A LOT when I’m watching Michael on The Office.

*Weird Moment of Introspection* - I want Stefan to win! How odd. No one is more surprised than me. I guess I really don’t think that Hosea is the better chef, and that he deserves it. I’m kind of surprised he even made it.

9:50 Hootie hoo is out. And I am immediately disinterested.

Listening to the judges’ back-and-forth about Hosea and Stefan, I’m having a very hard time caring. I mean, a REALLY hard time. Hosea seems like he’s pulling ahead because the judges finally recognize that Stefan has no soul.

Essence of deliberations: Carla has the love. Hosea is slow but steady. Stefan is as bipolar as my mom.

Winner of Top Chef Season 5…..

HOLY SHIT, HOSEA!?

I don’t think anyone saw this coming. Fantasy Top Chef players are crying across the globe.

Yes, that actually exists. There’s a Facebook app for everything.

No, I didn’t play.

I suppose in the end Stefan’s karma came back to bite him in the ass.

There is a lot of yelling and arm-flailing going on by me right now. I think I might have even jumped out of my seat. David is looking like he is questioning my sanity at the moment.
Hosea wasn’t supposed to win! He is like the sideshow entertainment fodder for Stefan while the real chefs cook. Maybe he went home and really studied and worked hard for months to get better, but I didn’t see that. All I know is that 2 weeks ago he kind of sucked, and now suddenly he’s winning Top Chef? This has been a very unsatisfying finale, unlike season 4 where I was so worried that that mean spiky haired lady was going to win, but in the end Stephanie conquered all, as it should be.

I also may be mildly bitter, because David and I are trying to eat really healthy (read: nasty) and watching this show makes me want to go consume like 7000 calories. It depresses me to eat it, but there is no reason to force it upon you by proxy, so I’ll quit complaining.

My only remaining hope for this show is that Fabio wins the $10K for his sick mama and poop car.

Friday Randomness

If you have a minute to waste, this is a funny picture montage of two similar photographs, like the one below. If you are entertained easily, like me, you will probably find them pretty funny.

http://dilidoo.com/2009/02/27/as_like_as_two_peas_44_photos.html

The Pigeon Man

The other day I was biking home from work, and I saw this (probably) homeless guy sitting on some grass underneath a palm tree, with a fair-size group of pigeons in a half-circle around him. Do any of you watch Scrubs? He looked just like The Janitor and his squirrel army, except that his were pigeons, and they were still alive.

Anyway, it looked like a very zen moment, for whatever reason, with humankind and nature just hangin' out.

However, this illusion was shattered as I rode by him, and listened to him mutter at the pigeon crowd in general, "…you think you're better than me? I'll show you, you're nothing, I'm in charge…."

Um, what?

As I continued home, I thought to myself:

"This is either a metaphor for our entire planet, or just a random event with no actual significance.”

The Joys of Dog Ownership

I originally wasn't going to post about this little drama, but after telling my sister the story, she thought it was hilarious. That could be a genetic thing, but oh well. It's up for posterity's sake if nothing else.


About a week before Corene came to visit, Lily got really sick. About 2 weeks before that, we had taken her on a waterfall hike that was rife with Leptospirosis. Hmmm. She's been vaccinated, so we hadn't really thought about it.

Back to the present, Lily is starting to not look so good.

It started with a little snuggling. Now, that may not seem like a symptom, but when Lily gets sick she suddenly wants to be in your lap. Not just nearby, but all bony, 65 lbs of dog wants to be right up in your business. All the time. This is probably my fault, because when she was a puppy and was sick, I would sit on the floor and she would crawl over in my lap. At the time, I thoght this was super-cute, probably because she usually didn't wat to be around us that uch. Alos, she wieghed 6 lbs.

Anyway, it progressed to vomiting, and in a few days had increased to vomiting, depression, no appetite, frequent urination, and blood where there shouldn't be any.

ACK ACK ACK

Vet Tech Tiffy is starting to freak the heck out. (Vet Tech Tiffy - now with Vicodin!) Ha, if only.

David was in California, so I basically spent all my free time (and time at work) freaking out that my dog might possibly be dead by the time I got home. This was not helped by the fact that when I called the vet who vaccinated her for Leptospirosis, (of COURSE all the symptoms matched) they told me that even though she was vaccinated, it is only good for about 10 strains of Lepto, and there are around 100. WHAT.

So, we were going to the vet. However, the night before our appointment, Lily puked something up the size of her head, and immediately started getting better. I could not tell what the hell it was, I was just glad it was out of her. Later, David deduced that he had bought Lily some new dental treats (no, not Greenies, before you ask) and they aparently were not t he best. It was a good thing he only gave her half a bone.

Fast forward about a week, and Corene is visiting. Yay! I needed a few things from the grocery store, so we decided to turn it into an outing, and all walked over, leaving Lily in the house. Now, we hide all of Lily's things in the guest room closest, because she is one nosy booger. So, we make sure to always keep that stuff closed away.

Poor Corene was not used to this however, so when we came home, we found out that Lily had plundered her stash, and of course had choose to eat god knows how many of her NEW DENTAL BONES.

OF COURSE.

Some of you might be asking, 'why did you still have those things in your house!?' To which I have no real answer. I asked myself that a lot in the next few hours.

So. Panic Mode.

If half of a bone did that to her, what on earth would 5-6 fll bones do? I did not want to find out. I ran to my trusty book for pet medical problems. I love that thing. Best $15 I ever spent. If they have one of those for babies, I'm totally getting it. Although I bet instructions like' 'don't crop up too often. Or maybe they do. What do I know?

Anyway, the solution was vomiting! Again. I just wanted that crap out of here RIGHT THIS INSTANT. The Book said to give her a dose of hydrogen peroxide, which should make her throw up. Why yes, that is toxic! Hence the throwing up. But you can only give them three doses - after that you have to take them to the vet and get their stomach pumped, or something.

When something goes wrong with the dog, I take over because it's my 'thing'. However, when it is our dog, my 'thing' is also put on the freak out face and disregard all other people's feelings. So, bossy Tiffany is stalking about the apatment, barking orders and having a nervuos breakdown at the same time.

I prepared for war.

You might remember that our balcony normally looks like this:

Now imagine it with all items stacked into some precarious tower in the corner, leaving lots of wiggel room for Lily and I to fight in, because, as it turns out, dogs don't like drinking hydrogen peroxide. Go figure.

Due to the plate glass, everyone in the house had a great view of the epic struggle going on. Me, armed with my baggie of H202 in my rolled up jeans, Lily with teeth and cuteness on her side. I definitely flet like the bad guy.

So, hilarity ensued. I wonder what it looked like, me and the dog, dancing around eat other as I randomly squired hydrogen peroxide at her, slipping around in the quickly accumlating drool/h202 mixture. And you didn't think I did anythig fun on Friday nights.

It was a disater. I would swwop down on Lily, attempt to pry her little stubbonr jaws apart, and then unload my h202 in her general direction. It went evyerwhere. I am pretty sure I killed a plant with it, and Lily's chest was soaked. Eventually I called in the troops (David) and he tried to hold her while I tried to dose her. After the second dose, Lily was lookig a little green, but keeping it down. How come you never puke when I WANT you to, dog!? I was freakking out. One more chance - then off to dogie ER, which is a kick in the pants. Specifically in the left buttcheck, where your wallet is.

So, I todl David to go buy a turkey baster. That's right. A baster. I bet no one asks me to make the turkey next year!

Anyway, the baster rained supreme. I have never been so relieved. At least, until I looked around and took stock of the huge mess I'd be cleaning up shortly.


So it all ended well, once it was over. We threw out the remaining bones. That dog will eat anything.

Top Chef Liveblogging, for no particular reason

Top Chef is the only show that I actually strive to make a couch date with each week. This usually works out, because poor David is working his booty off, and doesn’t get home until sometime between 10:30 -1:00 on weeknights. This week it is the finale, so I’ve had time to get into the contestants, and have formed highly subjective opinions about everything, which, so far, have only been heard by my dog. SO! To amuse myself, I thought I’d post my thoughts while watching the show. I’d be just like you were sitting on the couch right next to me! Which, I’m sure, is your heart’s desire. I figured the Internet could always use more mindless opinions forced on the masses, so here we go!

8:00: Last week: A morbid episode where they cooked final meals for famous foodies. The whole thing was in such soft focus to hide their wrinkles, I felt like I was watching a soap opera. On a high note, Stefan screwed the pooch, and Leah was finally FINALLY seen as the culinary bonehead she is. Bye Leah!

So, New Orleans! There is much talking about the ‘Spirit of the Food’, but that is one of those things where people say cool sounding words, and everyone nods because they don’t want to be the one shmuck who doesn’t get it. I don’t get it.

Carla is doing some serious high-stepping through the airport. I love that crazy girl. Where is her ‘fro? Whatevs, she looks good.

8:02: Hosea could kill himself for not coming to visit earlier. If only.

FABIO has a Mohawk! Holy crap!

8:03: Stefan is being an arrogant ass, as usual. And is looking a bit more…insulated than the last time we saw him.

8:05: Surprise! Emeril is the guest judge! In New Orleans! I’m pretty sure a blind person could see that one coming.

8:06: QUICKFIRE! No actual cooking will be going on. What?

WHY IS LEAH BACK?! I’m not even sure how she made it as far as she did; she never seemed to actually know what she was doing until she was finished. On the plus side, Mr. Hotness, Jeff, is back. Also Top Scallops Jamie is here, and apparently is about the throw up. Who says stuff like that on national television?

So, basically whoever wins this will get a chance to make it to the finals. The final 4 are pissed. I can’t say I blame them.

8:08: Challenge ingredient: crawfish. Amazingly, Leah has no idea what to do.

8:10: Stefan proclaims Leah to be a ‘good chef’ which is the kiss of death.

8:11: Jeff finally makes just one dish, hallelujah, beating back his culinary ADD. His crawfish and grits beat out Leah’s crawfish 'soup', which I’m sure fooled Emeril, and Jaime’s Creole Eggs Benedict.

8:18: Chefs are all at Emeril’s restaurant for dinner. I wonder if any of them can actually enjoy it, or if they’re worried Padma’s about to jump out and make them draw knives.

8:19: FABIO loves his sick mama, and therefore must win Top Chef.

8:20 Stefan descends into more douchebaggery, and tries to bait Hosea, which, honestly, isn’t that hard.

Giant warehouse of creepy Mardi Gras floats = terrifying.

The chefs are going to cater a masquerade ball, and must create 2 dishes and 1 cocktail. Everyone looks pensive, except Carla, who is beaming like she just took some methamphetamine.

8:23: The winner gets a car! FABIO has a ‘poop’ car, and therefore must win Top Chef. I am sensing a trend here. He’s just short one crippled child for his pity party ensemble. It’s a good thing I love him and his accent; and he has the best quotes ever. ‘It’s Top Chef, not Top Scallop’. Ha! It still makes me laugh

8:27: For 30 seconds the show comes back on to show them exchanging lame stories about Halloween, for whatever reason, and then goes back to commercial. What the heck? I freaking hate that, it makes me think I’ve missed a big chunk of the show.

8:28: If I have to see one more commercial for that High School Reunion show, I’m going to gouge my eyes out.

8:30: They are all now cooking in Emeril’s kitchen, which has all kinds of crazy stuff. Turtle! Someone don’t be a pansy and use it.

8:32: Hosea tries to channel Stefan and give Jeff some shit, but it just bounces right off his wind-swept coif. Maybe that’s why Hosea’s such an easy target, with his shiny cue ball head.
8:34: Battle Gumbo: Hosea vs. Stefan.

8:36: Colicchio walks through the kitchen, checking in on everyone. He deems Stefan ‘cocky’ like this is news to anyone. Too many references to Stefan’s jerky attitude. Foreshadowing much?

Why is FABIO shaking a food processor like maracas?

8:39: MacGyver reference! We love you, dark horse Carla. Good luck shucking those 100 oysters.

Now that them song from SNL’s ‘McGruber’ is stuck in my head. Arg.

8:41: Carla! Attitude! May her rage help her pry the hell out of those oysters.

8:45: Beautiful people of the ball arrive. Padma looks amazing. How do they get her hair to do that!? I kind of hate her and her personal stylist just a little bit. Also my genes.

8:47: Jeff comes off well with his oysters and cucumber mojito, which I would never order, but I also like grilled cheese made from Kraft squares, so I’m not the most refined palate.

Stefan is ‘not going home on a freaking gumbo.’ We shall see.

Carla is spreading her refreshing love to the crowd, and for some reason, getting a lot of ‘hootie hoo’s. Which I don’t get, probably because I’m super-white.

8:50: Hosea is finally redeeming himself, cooking fish well for the first time, even though he works in a seafood restaurant back home. Looks like someone hit the books. Although, the goof almost ran out of food before the judges got there. Good planning, dude.

8:51: Stefan thinks he kicked ass. Shocking!

FABIO’s neck must be breaking under all those beads. Apparently I’m not the only one who likes the accent.

8:53: Commercials: CLOROX! Can fix everything! Baby bottles! Flowers! World hunger!

I’m having a girly moment, and really want to see that movie, ‘He’s just not that in to you’

Why do you tempt me with your free salad and breadsticks, Olive Garden? Is Hawaii too good for you or something!?

8:56: JUDGES TABLE
Jeff – awesome. I’m not partial or anything.
FABIO is a man after my own heart with the sweet-tooth thing, but the judges are not impressed. He’s on shaky ground.

Stefan doesn’t stress, because he’s 36. Apparently, that’s the age at which we get to stop worrying about things. Nine years to go! Also, he gives attitude to the judges! When will these people realize that that is NEVER a good idea? I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

Carla picks up on Colicchio’s usual harbinger of doom question ‘Did you like your dish?’ and starts to criticize herself, but is interrupted and told that she rocks. That Colicchio loves to play with their little stressed out heads.

Hosea – pretty good. Gumbo King.

9:00: DELIBERATION

The European Union might be out. I will sacrifice FABIO if it means Stefan goes home too.

9:05: Winner: Carla! The bug eyes finally make an appearance as she goes up to get her car keys. Also, some insane giggling. But she earned it. You go, girl! Hootie Hoo! Or something.

Jeff was great and earned himself the #2, which means bupkus. He is going home. He ends on a good note, and gets bonus points for subtly throwing Stefan and his stolen sausage under the bus. Nice.

Hosea is safe. He somehow manages not to run up to Stefan and go ‘Nyuh nyuh!’ as he leaves.

9:10: Now it’s between FABIO and Stefan

STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN STEFAN

What is with all the dramatic music? Just TELL US already!

NO!!

FABIO is going home.

SIGH

So we are still stuck with Stefan the Big-Headed. I always knew he would make it, but was hoping otherwise. I’m calling shenanigans on this one.

NEXT WEEK: ACTUAL FINALE.

Hello Kitty Needs Prozac

The advertising industry here is kind of a joke - you can always tell when a local commercial is on, because it looks like it was shot by a junior high student. I work right by a mall, so I am exposed to lots of...randomness. This Valentine's Day selling season was no different.


The first thing that made me stop in my tracks was a giant GIANT heart hanging in the window of a very nice store (Burberry? Or something like it. I forget) made entirely of red condoms. CONDOMS, people. I kept swearing I was going to go back and take a picture, but I could never remember to bring my camera.


However, I did get a picture of the extreme weirdness I saw while walking by the Apple store on my way back from lunch around V-day. Behold:



What the crap is going on here? Is that a shirtless guy in a Darth Kitty costume being paid to stand in that store? Love the tassels.

Tornadoes? What?

What is going on? This just does not happen here. If I wanted tornadoes, I'd have stayed in Texas. This was front page news here, where in Texas, it probably would have been shoved on a back page somewhere, right next to the horoscopes or something.

Our Tax Dollars At Work

This is from one of the blogs I read, Serious Eats. It was so random, I had to share.

Outer Space Smells Like Fried Steak

Posted by Adam Kuban, October 17, 2008 at 1:30 PM

"Houston, there appears to be a steak-laden alien vessel in low earth orbit, and it's comin' in hot."

To help train astronauts, NASA has hired a chemist, Steven Pearce, to recreate the smells of space. Astronauts interviewed after spacewalks reported smelling peculiar odors on their suits and helmets. Pearce: "For them, what comes across is a smell of fried steak, hot metal, and even welding a motorbike, one of them said." [via The Presurfer]

MY SISTER ROCKS

Just a little update - Courtney is pulling her weight with the Yardhouse suggestion box entry:

From: Courtney M
To: Tiffany D

Ha. I'm such a liar. But it was for a good cause (the Dyers' ablility to continue to eat at Yard House when they move back to the mainland)!

Yeah, you love me...

> Subject: Yard House Site Suggestion>
Date: Tue, 10 Feb 2009 13:39:04 -0800

Dear Courtney,

Thank you so much for contacting us and sharing your vote of confidence for a Yard House in Dallas. Although we do not have any immediate plans for a location in that area, I will absolutely share your suggestion with our Real Estate Team. We sincerely appreciate your kind compliments regarding your recent visit to our Waikiki location and look forward to our next opportunity to serve you!

Best regards
Kristi Preston
Guest Relations

COURTNEY IS THE BEST!

Dyers, Take Two

WELCOME CORENE!

Because all of our visitors some in sets of two, about a week after Ruthie and Josh left, David's wonderful mother came to visit us. I was so excited that she could make it out.

Corene and Lily, reunited at last

As you might remember, Corene took wonderful care of Lily for 3 months before we moved out here, so she is kind of her dog, too.

So! Her trip. Sadly, Even though it has only been a month, I am already getting fuzzy on what we did and when! So sad. Corene, if you read this, feel free to write me up and tell me how it actually went so that this is actually somewhat representative of your trip.

Day Who Knows: Probably Saturday

I am fairly certain we started this day with a trip to the dog park and some malasadas. Corene OWNED those malasadas. I'm pretty sure she ate around 4, compared to my 1 1/2. It is hard to resist those things the first time you have them. Plus, you have to try all the flavors!

Here is a pretty church right by the dog park. We don't have any other pictures, because a dog park? Really? No one wants to see pictures of that.

Now, one of the best things about Corene, and I came to completely love this, is that she can see the best in everything. Several times, in this case, she could have cared less that the rain was ruining her day, and proceed to have a great time. Even including the day the whole island shut down in response to a huge storm that was moving through. It probably greatly helped me get over my visitors OCD. Maybe.

Ok, probably not. But still.

ANYWAY, because of the rain, I wasn't sure what to do, but I figured it might look cool over at the Byodo Temple, and I was excited, because I was finally getting to go to somewhere new! Yay!

So here it is. Naturally, it was raining, but doesn't it look cool? I almost feel like I'm not in Hawaii.

Here's Corene ringing the giant gong. I am apparently a giant ignoramus hick, and can't remember the significance of this bell, only that 'it shure do sound prettah.' Brother.

I like this picture, because it is just such a Corene moment. She took some great pictures while she was here.


Those people-specks are David and his mom.

I felt very Zen here.

Some fun statues nearby

I love black swans, so when this guy waddled ashore, I just have to go and invade his personal space.

HOLY CRAP, TEXAS BBQ. You can see my face very well, but I'm Excited.

You don't understand how rare this is. Sure, once we were inside the owner at the counter was Japanese, and English was definitely her second language, but she was very nice. And it smelled like real BBQ ,which is a thing I haven't really been around in years. When I come home, I think I'll eat BBQ for a week.

THEN a giant truck pulled into the lot with a Texas Tech sticker, and out poured like 6 guys who looked like they had just been plucked right off campus. It was kind of funny, but totally completed the image.

Also, what is up with us and making our moms eat BBQ when they come to see us? I did this to my mom too, and she was like, 'What the crap. Where's the seafood!?'

To round out our Windward Side day, we took his mom to see the ocean at sunset. So David and I waited above the beach while his mom took some time to herself and wandered around, taking pictures of the water.

and I took pictures of David. What!? He's a good subject. Look at those dimples.

And, apparently at some point, his mom took some pictures of us. Which is great, because we never have picture of the both of us, and I love candid shots.

After this I think we went home and headed over to one of our favorite burger joints, Lulu's, because they have a great view. It was Saturday night, though, and no good tables were to be had. However, they did have an amazing band. So we rocked out to some Hawaiian-style classics.

Lung Evacuation

This is my bedside table at the moment - a testament to my feeling like crap.

I have been sick for almost 2 weeks, and I swear, once this thing is over I am going to have abs of steel. Hiding under a layer of fat, sure, but they'll still be there. Maybe more like Stealth Abs than Steel Abs.

I have never coughed so much in my life. The pressure of constant coughing makes it feel like my brain is oozing out my ears, or attempting to, anyway. I am a veritable walking medicine cabinet. Furthermore, it has been a while since either of us has been sick, so I got to be the one to find the expired medicine by trail and error. I sprayed some Cepecol in my throat, and gagged on the distinctly expired taste of gasoline. I'm pretty sure that wasn't their original idea of cherry.

(Speaking of, David and I have a debate going over the use of throat-numbing spray. It CLEARLY states 'spray on back of throat' on the bottle, but when I did (with the non-nasty spray) I started choking and gagging, with tears running down my face, which is how your body is built to respond when something starts attacking your throat. Of course, David thought this was hysterical, and that I was retarded. He says that you are supposed to spray it on your tongue and swallow it. What? Then all you have is a numb tongue. I don't get it. How do you do it? Which way is right? Actually, it won't matter what you say, because if you all agree with him I'm just not going to tell him).

Anyway, so I feel crappy. Most of you won't remember, but I did a large cake for a client last week, which was probably 1 day before I got this Mutant Death Cough. Luckily, one of the people at the party works at my office, and I have been sneaking around, checking on him. He seems healthy. I was pretty worried for a while.

David has been working his booty off for the last week, not getting home until after midnight, usually. I really want him to get some sleep, so a few nights ago when I woke up the neighbors coughing, I thought I'd slip out to the guest bed so he could sleep in peace. I think I made it alone for about 30 minutes, after which David showed up cuz he was lonely, and climbed into the smaller bed. Naturally, Lily wanted to be with us, and this room didn't have a bed for her, so she wanted on our bed, and I just wanted us all to sleep. Cold dog nose in your face will wake you up pretty quick. So, I ended up in this extremely funky, contorted position so we were all on the bed, and David wouldn't realize Lily was there and kick her off. Laying there, trying not to wheeze I realized that this was not going to be the best night of sleep.

This weekend I will probably lay around doing nothing, being pitiful, and hacking like a 65 year old chain smoker. Dead Sexy.

Yardhouse Update

Ok, I apparently need to clarify the Yardhouse details, becuase pretty much everyone who came to visit us, and have eaten there, are ridiculously excited, and I have to burst your bubble. They are currently building 2 restaurants in Texas, but they are in Houston and San Antonio, and won't be completed until 2010. Phooey. Why so close together? I wrote them, basically asking, 'What about the upper half of Texas?!' To their credit, an actual person replied to me, saying they'd keep it in mind. SO. Everyone go here, and under 'contact us - feedback' and let it be known that we need a Yardhouse in Dallas! Cuz I'm going to go through withdrawal if I ever have to move back to TX and there isn't one around. MY blog, so it's all about ME.

So be a good peon and go write to them, ok?
(Just kidding! I love you guys!)

I say all us Dallas people road trip to wherever once they finally open! Mac and Cheese for all!

Kesteds Kometh

YAY VISITING FAMILY!

David's sister Ruthie and her husband came to visit us over Christmas to save us from yet another sucky holiday where there are no family around. THANK YOU!

Shorts and Christmas trees - we must be in Waikiki

So, after we picked them up from the airport, we proceeded to commence with Tourist Torture, in which I force everyone who visits to stay up until 10 pm to help them with jet lag. After what is usually 12 hours of planes/airports, this does not make me that popular with my friends and family. Luckily, they are all too nice to say what they are really thinking, which must run along the lines of 'TAKE ME TO MY @$#%^ BEDROOM, YOU CLOCK NAZI'.

So, we went out to eat at Yardhouse, where I take everyone, because it is harder to fall asleep when you're in public places. Josh partook of the World's Most Amazing Macaroni and Cheese, which you can try soon because they are building some restaurants in Texas, and OH BOY I AM SO EXCITED.

So you should go.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, and we let them go to sleep.

Day 2

LEONARD'S!

This is quite possibly the thing I will miss the most if we ever move back. Leonard's Malasadas are like tropical heaven in your mouth. They are Portuguese donuts, and soon after this picture was taken, Josh and Ruthie became addicted.

Also shortly after this picture was taken, I bonked David on the head for messing up a perfectly nice shot with his shenanigans.

So, today we headed over for some hiking on the south side of the island, in Hawaii Kai. It was good times.

I made Josh and Ruthie squat down, which they did even though you can tell they'd rather not. I was kind of annoying with the camera on this trip. Notice how I took pictures right after they got here and were exhausted? The Picture Nazi does not care. Hm, I think I am going overboard with this 'nazi' theme. Meh.

At the top! Kind of cloudy. This will not be the first time the weather mucks up my plans.

Actually, at the top there is a small path that leads to some bunkers even higher up, which we did for the first time this trip. This is actually a cool picture if it was any larger - that's Josh and the bunker on the left.

Ever Vigilant

Josh was having a great time exercising his inner kung fu, but I was such a nervous wreck. It was really windy, and I just knew he was going to blow right off the cliff.

Blow Hole!

Ruthie tried her best to get a good picture, but the sea was not cooperating. You can still see the plume of spray, though.

After hiking, on to Haunama Bay, another must-do. There are several things I do with everyone who comes, bc we have done all kinds of things, and we know it is the best, and I want everyone to see only the best! Sorry, it is probably pretty repetitive for you readers.

The bay. It was still overcast, and not very warm, so I graciously opted to stay on the beach and watch our stuff. I think everyone had a great time looking at the wildlife, but they came out as human popsicles. Brr.

View from our balcony at night

DAY 3

After having water-leakage issues with the snorkel mask the previous day, Josh decided to sacrifice his beard for the cause. Of course, first we shaved fun designs on his face. I like this look - it says 'I may have 3-4 cars in my front lawn, but I still ride my hog to get around'. Love it.



We went over to the windward side, and the weather was with us, for once. Ruthie took this pretty good picture while riding in the backseat. Nice!

The boys played some Frisbee

While Ruthie and I built a friggin awesome sand castle, which is required at this wonderful beach. I had a great time, because we didn't really have a plan, we were just figuring it out as we went.

Of course we brought Lily

Ruthie and Josh made 'Sand Angels', which I thought was hilarious. Ah, winter in Hawaii!

Pali Lookout

Day 4

At this point I had to be lame-o and go to work, as I don't really have any vacation days since so many of you wonderful people have been coming out to visit! It has been such a blessing to us!

So, I'm not really sure what went on for the next few days. Other than I DO know that we tried to poison our guests on this day. Nothing says fun like a trip to the ER.

Anyway, they headed out on the trail, which was exciting, bc David had never made it out on this one. However, as their only source of directions, I was a bit stressed, bc I was sitting in an office, and it is hard to give directions on a trail you aren't on. What and I going to tell them, 'take a left at the tree with the branch thingys'? Um, right. It is possible to end up on the other side of the mountain if you take a wrong turn, so I was at Stress Level Orange. Especially after they were totally lost, trying to get directions from me, and David's phone lost service. It was a tetchy 5 hours.

SO! That's it from my end. But it looked like they had a nice time. Took some great pictures.

I wish you could see this - that's my dog in the bushes and she looks like she's possessed by something.

At the top! I believe it was here that they tried to eat some of our granola bars that apparently tasted like gasoline. That can't be good.

Strawberry guava! They are back in season, and can be a great tasty snack if you get a good one. If you don't, you could end up looking like this:

Ruthie was still not quite on the Hawaii time schedule, so after dinner she went to bed and the boys stayed up late playing the greatest XBOX game ever, Castle Crashers. I freaking love this game. Paul and Courtney, get it so we can play online together!

Anyway, Josh loved it too. We played this several nights while they were here. Awesome. We're dorkifying the world, one person at a time.