Snow White

So, I spend basically all my waking hours on campus or in my car, so the only material I have is pretty boring.

Sucks for ya'll!

(I love being able to say that again, by the way)

Anyway, I am constantly being beleaguered by the wildlife on campus. Sure, 85% of said wildlife is made up of squirrels, but still.

One day I was eating lunch outside (before it became ridiculously hot) and a cute, inquisitive squirrel started to show interest in my lunch. Like many before me, I caved to the cuteness and shared a bit of apple.

Within 5 minutes, I have a veritable sea of birds and squirrels surrounding me, like some kind of riot squad. Squirrels were running up on the table, sitting on the book I was attempting to study, and demanding their fair share of what was rightfully mine. While I sat, feeling very conspicuous, I started noticing lots of people walking by in groups -new freshmen and their parents, touring the campus. Man of them began exclaiming things along the lines of 'Oh, look at all the squirrels!"and ''There are so many of them!" etc. I was drawing a crowd.

I felt like the Rodent Snow White. Squirrels and birds were covering every surface within 10 feet of me, jockeying for position. I quickly finished my lunch and ran indoors before they started crawling into my backpack. What if I accidentally carried a stowaway in to class? That seems like one of the things that would happen to me.

Several days later I was walking to class, when a squirrel that was 50 yards away suddenly sat straight up, zeroed in on me, and ran at me, stopping directly in my path. I stopped, stared at him, and he stared right back. He did a slow circle around me, gave me one last good stare, and then wandered off. I heard someone erupt into laughter, and looked up to see a couple looking at me and laughing.

The squirrels gave me a break for a week, probably to make me lower my guard so I wouldn't be ready for their assault. I was back outside, enjoying a food-like substance from Taco Bell, when out of nowhere, a pair of kamikaze squirrels ambushed my table. I scooped up the taco to protect it, and those little jerks grabbed both the crumpled wrapper and the plastic bag and ran right up a tree.

Dammit.

I couldn't just leave them to choke on the plastic, and I kind of felt like I was Littering Via Woodland Creature. So I had to stand under the tree, like an idiot, and watch them attempt to find any edible molecule on their precious haul. I would occasionally yell helpful things up at them like, ''It's not edible, you stupid idiots.'' I had to stand under them and wait for them to realize this little helpful fact themselves, and then I clambered up into the plant bed to fish their discards from the shrubbery. Of course, all of this to the sound of more laughter from entertained bystanders.

I'm eating inside from now on.