I am A Business Woman

I had been working at my current job for about 2 weeks when my boss, Derek, asked if I would go on a business trip. I was so excited about it, the fact I had no idea what I was doing didn’t enter my thoughts until a while later; or more precisely, when I was on the plane heading over.

The set up is our company, Pueo Group Contracting, is going after a huge contract with the government that is based on Kauai. While pursing it, we are trying to be as intimidating and proactive as possible – thus, we held an open house on Kauai to find subcontractors to delegate some of the work to once the contract is ours. I ended up helping put together an advert for the newspaper, and set up all appointments, which is all fine and good, but once actually there I was kinda at a loss for what they were expecting of me. In retrospect, I don’t think they even knew what they were expecting of me.

Anyway, I left on Thursday night, to return on Sunday morning. Since I ride The Boat into work, the only way to get to the airport was to hop on a bus. Sounds simple, right? Ha! As if.

So I planned out my route, and emergency routes in case I messed up, which was highly probable. I headed out, with just the normal amount of stress that would be appropriate for one using a new form of transportation with a deadline. I arrived at my stop and waited around for a while, trying to remain inconspicuous while hanging with the locals. This was very difficult, since most of them were old Chinese women, the tallest of which was 4’ 5”. I swear one of them was trying to hide a chicken in her bag. As such, I had a great view over the tops of their heads to watch my bus zoom past on the opposite cross street, at which point my mouth flew open and I shouted something unintelligible, like they would hear me and stop or something. As I stood there in the aftermath I was feeling some serious anxiety, coupled with the fact that my head had suddenly imploded along with my stomach. Seeing my distress, one of the ladies helpfully informed me in broken English that I needed PriceBusters. In my head, my hysterical self was shouting, “ Pricebusters?! What the hell is that? Do they have a time machine or something?!?”

Looking back sometimes, I realize that my sense of wanting to be accepted by every person I meet on the planet sometimes makes me do stupid things. This was one of those times. Instead of asking for further instruction, my sense of wanting to fit in with the locals that has followed me around since I got here made me say, “Oh, Pricebusters! Thanks so much for your help!” Then go wander vaguely off in the direction she had indicated, like I had any idea what she was talking about. So there I was, wandering around Chinatown, looking like a giant, attempting to discreetly look for a store I had never heard of. However, I think my supposed indifference was given away by the nervous tick I was developing.

I eventually spotted the store, and thank God, the bus stop in front of it. Crisis Diverted. I might make my plane and not get fired, after all.

Of course, once on the bus I once again assumed the ‘I Must Fit In’ mentality that was ever-so-helpful before. I had no idea how the bus thing worked – did they tell you what stop they were coming to? Do they stop at every stop, or do you have to ring the stop requested line? Is that aromatic guy next to me trying to play footsie!? So I spent 30 minutes in a highly stressed state, as I attempted to look nonchalant even though I was sitting on the edge of my seat, straining to see each street sign we passed. I’m sure they were all fooled. Public transportation – you want to meet the locals? Hop a bus, my friend. I should have just told the bus driver I had no idea what I was doing, and only a vague idea of where I was going. I’m not sure what’s holding me back – Pride? Idiocy? Maybe I am a masochist, and enjoy attempting to fry my brain via stress.

I did finally get off at the right stop, and hiked about a mile to the airport. From there there were no more problems, and it was your basic business trip. My trip mates were mostly older guys from several different companies; Raytheon and Chugach were the big players. Most of them were from Alaska, so they were loving the temperate weather, which they remarked on fairly often. I got treated to nice dinners, so that was always fun. My favorite was this sushi place called Hanamaula Sushi – if you’re ever in Kauai, you’ve got to check it out. When we first walked in, it looked like a giant ghetto cafeteria, and it was basically empty, so imagine my surprise when a harried-looking waitress bustled up to us, and seemed exasperated that we didn’t have a reservation even though she had a gillion seats available. I mean, come on. If I were a restaurant owner, a bunch of businessmen with expense accounts walking in would make my day. What gives?

It ended up being my favorite place. Don’t let it fool you – I guess the front is just a decoy to weed out customers who only kind-of want sushi? In the back they have these amazing rooms. It has a line of little Japanese – style boxes, each separated by rice paper walls and facing a (guess what) Japanese-style pond. With Japanese fish. It was kind of all-around Japanese-y. In each box, there is a long table and while it looks like one of those traditional tables where you have to sit on the ground, but it actually has a big trench underneath so you can stretch your legs. I would have taken a few pictures, but I was busy attempting to be a Business Woman, and come up with non-retarded answers to questions like, "How do you think the 8(a) status will effect the position of our future proposal to the government, and with local subcontractors?"

Oh, and the food was good too.

The next two days went something like this:

Go to the conference area and meet/speak with potential subcontractors. (That's my boss Derek on the right)

At 4:30, it’s time to hit the free happy hour at the pool-side tiki hut to see who can have the most Mai-tais.

Dinner somewhere.

Back to the bar for yet more drinks.

I tell you what, those guys may be 25 years older than me, but I sure couldn’t keep up with them. I would try a few drinks with names like Tropical Island Paradise Explosion or whatever, since when I asked for things like Mojitos, servers would look at me weird. After having my drink, which usually amounted to something resembling Pineapple Dimetapp, I would sneak off to my room to crash out.

That’s how it went until the final day, when Wendy went stir-crazy and needed to get off of hotel property. We had only 4 hours, so we decided the scenic drive would be the best
thing for us.

“Oh, it’s perfectly sunny over on that side!” said the rental-car dude when asked about weather conditions.

Well, he lied. We basically drove up this scary, windy path in a rainstorm - risking life and limb - and then eventually into the cloud itself. So while we were 2 feet away from this




And this



What we saw was this:


I was sad for Wendy, as she has never been up there before. All she really saw on our little journey was chickens, and she was amazed by the amount of chickens at the gas station and everywhere else.

She was also amazed at the abundance of housing and lack of industry. After driving about 10 miles seeing only houses and not a single store she would exclaim, “Where do these people work!?” It became a theme.

Tired, but glad to have gotten away for a little while, we headed back to the hotel. I had fun, but was looking forward to going back home so my body could detox. And so I could have a conversation that didn’t involve missile ranges or contracting clauses.

What Not to Do

What screams fun and holiday insanity more than camping out in front of a store to bask in the materialistic glory of possibly getting a good deal?! I think I might have pulled something as I shoved that little old lady out of my way as we rushed inside.

Even though it wasn’t readily noticeable from the start (“You want me to do what?!”), I was mildly intrigued about the whole camp-outside-a-store thing. It’s the American Way, after all. Would it be like: A) a big party? B) Quiet competition? C) Bored out of my mind? If you guessed C, come on down! You’re the next contestant on Things to Avoid.


It might have been a lot more fun if the people we had camped around were more interesting; or if I was more interesting. But it was mainly families just sleeping, somehow, on the concrete. Not exactly a party. So we played some cards, read a little, and attempted the Torture by Concrete Sleeping Competition with everyone else. We might have won. David wasn’t planning on sleeping, so we just brought one sleeping bag.

*Our little corner*

Try to picture David and I attempting to share one bag, causing us to contort into several extremely uncomfortable positions. He finally gave up, and magnanimously left me to attempt to sleep the rest of the night. So I did, punctuated by random car alarms, blaring Hawaiian ghetto music, and yes, an actual screaming baby (around 6 months) that someone decided to camp out with 6 people in front of us. Each time I woke up I thought, ‘this had better be worth it’, so….
by 5 am when the store finally opens you are so HYPED and absolutely sure that every single person in front of you in line wants YOUR ITEM that you turn into some kind of crazed consumer with an every-man-for-himself kind of mentality. Anything goes. Because you have EARNED that item, as your bruised side will attest, through your discomfort, time, and not to mention you have already picked out its place in your house and thought about how good it will look there. Of course your pain and want eclipses everyone else’s. DUH! Get in the holiday mood, buddy. And while you're there, why don't you snatch the last iPod from that now wailing child. Ho Ho Ho.

Oh, and NO, by some stupid Circuit City Privileged Information Act, we did not know the loophole needed to actually get our TV, so we left empty-handed. Did I mention the hard concrete?!

How The Girls Cooked Thanksgiving

My first thanksgiving On My Own.

I did all kinds of crazy things to that turkey in an attempt to make it not be gross. I left it to brine for 2 days, made a special broth for it to cook in, and made herb butter that I spread underneath the skin to make sure the breast meat was juicy. I’m not sure what else I could do to that thing; but did look good once I finished. I was all kinds of proud. It tasted ok – everyone said it was great, but they had to or else they weren’t getting any.

There's a reason we keep sharp objects away from Courtney.

Court and I worked real hard – it was fun cooking with her, even though she was kinda forced into the whole thing. I think she had a good time too – Court can cook, she just usually feels like she has something better to do. Here was our spread:

• Turkey
• Gravy
• Stuffing
• Mashed Potatoes
• Sweet Potato Casserole – (which you should all be begging me for, apparently, bc it was gone in like 5 seconds).
• Green Bean Casserole
• Asparagus
• Cranberry Sauce
• Rolls
• Dyer Jell-O Thing
• Apple Pie
• Pumpkin Pie

Now, that is a lot of food for 4 people, even though one of those people was Paul. This Thanksgiving also marked My First Pie Ever. Which surprised some, as I am baker lady, but I just don’t get excited about pies. Pour some stuff into a crust and put it in the oven. Whoopee.

Still, I had no idea what I was doing so, as you can see, I actually brought my pie over to the computer to figure out how to do that lattice-work thing. Courtney was cracking up, bc the lady in the video would go too fast and spin her pie around and get me all lost, causing me to shriek. Seriously, if you are teaching something, slow down, people. I was about to give up and go pass a store pie off as my own.

In the end, all was well, and we ate until we fell comatose, as was David’s case. Which left me to call the Dyer fam, who were well on their way to having a good time back in Texas. It was good to talk to them, and hearing all the bustle made me have a twang for the big family holiday that we were missing out on.

Then I realized I was hanging out in my shorts a quarter mile from the beach in Hawaii and I laughed at my good fortune. So David and I hung out in the hammock and talked to family while my poor sister finished off the dishes. Thanks, girl!

Speaking of family, shout out to Amber for coming through with the Jell-O recipe so David had a bit of home to comfort himself with this holiday. Thanks, lady!

Fun With the Locals

Everyday I get up at the ass-crack of dawn to take a ferry in to work downtown. It is about an hour trip, and I get to sleep the whole time, so rock on. Usually I am riding with David, so I don’t really think about it. However, he took off the whole week of Thanksgiving, which is how I ended up waking up with this guy sitting next to me and watching me while I slept.

All I got out of the encounter was a “You goin’ home alone tonight?” I'm sure you will all be relieved to know that I managed to hold on to my wallet this time. (For those new to the program, please see “Trilogy of Crap” so I don’t sound like a complete jerk). Apparently he is a nice creepy homeless guy, instead of the last just creepy homeless guy.

Creepy Jerk Thief homeless guy.

Not that I'm scarred or anything.

*UPDATE* A week after this incident, I was accosted by yet another homeless guy, who was a giant and was trying to grab me while saying "I missed youuuuuuu." Luckily, a tiny 4'11" lady came to my rescue. I'm must have an invisible sign that says "Mess with Me" or something.

Texan Influx!

Our first visitors!

Amy and Mike came out with their grandmom and their adorable child, Thomas Joshua, better known as Tommy. Seriously, that kid will do just about anything if he isn’t sleepy.
He went swimming in the sea, hiking, and snorkeling (kinda) all the while proclaiming everything as “Beautiful!” It was pretty cute. We hung out in the lagoon, where I became Tommy’s favorite person when he found out he could treat me as his personal jungle gym. But really, he just put up with me bc I was a matching set with Uncle David. He LOVED David. What can I say – he is better with kids than I am.

We also attempted to go on a hike – the guidebook called it ‘easy’ and ‘short’ but I guess no such thing exists when you are a toddler and your legs are like a foot long. Especially if your new favorite activity is stepping on every slick rock you see, even though you are probably going to fall and break all your little bones. But he was a trooper - and so was Mike, since he ended up carrying him for half the time.

Here, Tommy is thrilled by one of the many chickens that roam around the island.

The reward at the end of the hike.

We hung out, ate, explored a bit, but they had to be on their own for a few days bc I had to work. Bummer. However, they had a good time – it isn’t hard. They went to the North Shore, and Mike made friends with a Hawaiian rugby team. The only big blip was Amy’s poor grandmother fell and broke her shoulder. I felt so bad for her, but she dealt with it as well as possible.

The last day I was treated to an awesome snorkel boat trip with everyone, so that was a blast. I can't believe I forgot my camera. I took way too few pictures while they were here.

I, the ever-jaded local, was less than impressed by the snorkeling, but it was fun watching the tourist surface and shout “TURTLE!” and then everyone would swarm over to him. It kind of reminded me of sharks in chummed waters. Since I’m used to seeing turtles everywhere, I enjoyed the fellowship more than the snorkeling. However, I was a total tourist earlier in the trip when we saw some honest-to-goodness WHALES. I was beyond excited, as that was totally new to me. And they were RIGHT BY our boat. They surfaced a couple times, and then finally dove down giving us the classic tale shot that really made the experience complete. After that there were a bunch of wild dolphins swimming around the boat showing off, but after the whales I was like, meh. So we tooled up and down the coast drinking mai-tais the rest of the time and hung out. It was good hanging with Amy again – it had been awhile, but just like old times. Mike was a bit different – I’d say more driven and intense than I remembered. That guy has so many irons in the fire I can’t even keep up. You know those eccentric millionaire guys? I’m excited, bc I am totally going to be friends with one. Amy, please build me a shack on your property – I can take care of your horses! It’ll be fun! Speaking of eccentric, Mike went out and got a tattoo to remember Hawaii by – you can see it below. It’s pretty cool – I’m way to big of a weenie to ever do something like that. Needles?! No thanks.

So they are back in Texas now, and I miss them. Thanks for coming to visit, guys!

The Lord Giveth….

So on Nov 1st, the Lord decided to reach down and bless me by answering my increasingly desperate prayers all at once. On this wonderful day, I received not only a place to live that just happened to open up across the street from my sister in a neighborhood that has no openings (that's a pic of her house from my front door!), but He also bestowed upon me A Job. I might seem to be poking fun, but I seriously believe God had a hand in my housing situation. Everything just seemed to work out to the best degree possible.

After realizing that lots of money will only get you a shack in someone’s backyard (seriously) we decided that we might need to Go Outside Our Price Range. Even then, I was literally starting to rip my hair out and stress on a previously Courtney-only level. (Sorry Court – I love you! But you know it’s true. :)) I was certain we were going to live in a scary hole of a place and no one would visit us, not that I would blame them. I was even asking Paul to off or otherwise use his policing-powers to get someone kicked out of his subdivision. Then we stumbled upon the idea of Going Way Outside Your Price Range. So now we live in a freaking awesome place that is so kick-ass I can’t even find the words. I feel like I should post all the absolute Ghetto-Fabulous pictures of places that were only mildly too expensive so you can fully understand the awesomeness of this place. I am so excited about this I reverted back to the ‘80s for a minute there. TOTALLY RADICAL! Or was that the early 90s? Maybe it was TOTALLY TUBULAR!

Or something.

I dunno, I was a dork for a reason, people.

Were we in Dallas, the apt. would be nice, but out here it is A Palace. 2 bed / 2 bath! Seriously, once I was walking out the door to go look at a place only to be stopped by Paul, whose reaction when I told him where I was going was, “NO! You cannot live there.” Apparently he used to get called out to that complex all the time when he was on patrol. Nice.

Anyway, so now we have an awesome place and you have no excuse not to come visit. We live on a resort, so you can always stay in the hotel nearby if you would like. As Court puts it: ‘Resort living, ramen eating.’ Hmm, it sounds much wittier when she says it. Anyway, here is the website to the resort: http://www.koolina.com/ . I’ll post some pictures when we actually have moved our stuff in. Right now it holds a phone book, a couch, and a leaky airbed. Not exactly Better Homes and Gardens.

My Office!

Once we had an idea what our rent might be, I was impressed heavily with the need to find a job IMMEDIATELY. I went around for a little while, and then got hired at my first interview at Pueo Group Contracting, which was great. It is downtown, next to David’s building, and across the street from the harbor where I get dropped off in the morning. Nice. It is a contracting company (mainly with the government) and is part of the Native Hawaiian Economic Alliance, which means there are lots of Native Hawaiian employees. I really feel like I need to get a tan so I can at least fake it. Right now I am totally Uber-Whitey. It is a small office, but everyone is very nice. As for my job title, it is something like Office assistantadvertisingpressagenteverythinggirl. I even got to meet with a senator to show her some advertising thing I made to get her approval. I am all kinds of connected out here now. They are sending me out to Kauai for a few days to help secure some subcontractors for a job or something – I’m still not sure what they actually expect me to do. That should be interesting.

Thus, we are all squared away now. If only I had something to put in my house, or to wear to work….

Here are some pictures of David's office, right across the street from mine.