Cutness FAIL

Ok, before you get all excited, that picture above is NOT mine. It was the inspiration of what was supposed to be this week's Adventure in Baking. Although in all fairness, it was an adventure - just not a particularly good one.


What you are looking at are called Cake Pops - and there's this lady on the Internet that is all kind of famous for it, in foodie circles.


Or with people like me, who stalk people with actual talent in some kind of act of latent jealousy.


So I wanted to try my hand. I mean, it's just cake dipped in chocolate with various sprinkles stuck on them. How hard could it be? I am the Cake Queen, after all!

Say goodbye, ego and self-esteem!

Ok, here we are, starting with the base. I baked a strawberry cake, and at this point I've crumbed it and added in the frosting. It's genius - cake with frosting already in it! Good ideas like this seem so obvious, but I would never think of it myself. That's kind of depressing for me. Although, it looks kind of disgusting, like some kind of mincemeat. David LOVED it though. He said it was like a 'super-moist cake brownie thing'.

Cake Balls

Going good so far - I'm going to attempt to make the bunnies, eggs, and chicks. I LOVED the chicks with their little basketball bodies and tiny feet. You can kind of see what each ball's intended for. Well, I can, anyway. To attach the handles, you just dip the stick into some melted chocolate and push it into the cake ball.

Like so

In lollipop form

Into the freezer!

While freezing, I thought I'd get all my accoutrements ready into stations. Here I am making bunny butts! Cute. They are just marshmallows that I've scored to look more like a tail.

Actually, these things call for all kinds of random crap that I could not find anywhere in Hawaii. I've been planning on doing these for a few weeks, since the tutorials got posted last month. In retrospect, they were probably posted early so that intelligent people could give it a test run before the big day. I am not that person. Instead, I spent the weeks scouring the island, trying to find different kinds of sprinkles. I found one kind. Thus, I spent an hour painstakingly cutting sprinkles to form wings, beaks, noses, etc. I had marginal hope for the endeavor.

I tried. I did. I thought I'd start out with the bunnies, because they looked the easiest. As I started dipping, my recurring thought was, 'How in the world does that lady get the surface so smooth!?' I was constantly dealing with weird drips, lines, or places where I would accidentally touch the surface and screw it all up. I had bunny stalactites, for pete's sake. Not normal looking.

I later re-read the tutorial, and she uses something called 'Paramount Crystals' to help with the melting, which I immediately dismissed, bc I knew I'd never find it over here. It must be some magical powder, that's all I have to say. Like the opposite of Kryptonite for Superman. There probably actually is such a substance, but I have no idea what it is, and no room in my brain for more pointless information. I'm visiting my mom in a month, and I'll need all the space I can spare.

So I had weird, lumpy issues. And stalactites. At least they were staying on the sticks.

Bunnies with tails and ears, and one seriously disturbing 'egg'

I was using tic tacs for ears, which ended up being too short. Combined with the really round bodies, they looked exactly like albino pigs. I figured I'd better get faces on these suckers pronto.

But, sadly, I was having a pen malfunction. I actually found edible markers out here, although in pink and purple instead of black.

It'll do.

If they actually worked.

What the heck, Wilton!? I could not get these things to write if my life depended on it. Due to the frantic repeating of the pattern 10 times per pig, it came off looking like a 5 year old scribbled on it. Also, my hand became covered in scribbles, as I was testing the pen periodically, and when I'm in the zone, cleanup is less than a secondary concern. It is only later, when I realize I am permanently marked for the next week that I reconsider my actions.

It went downhill from there. I have been beaten by cake pops. I finally just gave up and I realized there was no way in hell I was letting anyone see these things, and it was midnight and I had to go to work the next day. Carnage below.

aftermath

How the pops are supposed to look:

Iisn't he ADORABLE!? too bad I couldn't find the 'rainbow chips' for his face and wings. Let's improvise!

Very cute eggs. Where does she find all those different sprinkles?!

bunny bottoms


Faces with appropriate ears

Ok, now are you ready for the horror show? This is so embarassing....



Say hello to the Sad Bod Squad.

What's so depressing is that the bunnies came out best. Shudder

WHAT IS THAT!? A bowling ball? Now, this kind of ticked me off, because what color would you say this little guy is? Orange. He is freaking orange, and I have no idea how that happened. I used my yellow dye. Heavens knows my hands/counter tops/everything else was stained yellow. My chickies, however, remained this mysterious puke orange color. WHAT IS GOING ON!? Usually this would intrigue me; what is going on with the chemistry of these two items that results in the change of color? But for now I was only pissed. It was at this point that I gave up, and just started slapping on my ill-advised modified chick parts.

Paint a sloppy line on my one surviving 'egg', sprinkle on some homemade colored sugar, which clumps, and snap a truly depressing picture. The discrepancies - I am used to things turning out at least somewhat like the picture. Not today.

David came home from the office (yes, at 12:30am) and enthusiastically proclaimed them adorable, to which I attribute to the late hour, and to the fact that his brain was fried.

Cake Pops: 1, Me: -20.

Although, they were magically delicious, if you could make yourself eat something so hideous. I will probably try some variation of these again at some point, when the frustration of this has faded, and my boredom level is high.

I had my revenge.

Cake Pop Basic Directions

Use this basic start as a canvas for whatever you would like to make!

1 box cake mix (cook as directed on box for 13 X 9 cake)

1 can frosting (16 oz.)

candy melts (1 lb. pkg.)

Lollipop sticks

Edible ink pens

Various Sprinkles

• After cake is cooked and cooled completely, crumble into large bowl.
  
• Mix thoroughly with 1 can frosting. (I use the back of a large spoon, but it may be easier to use fingers to mix together. But, be warned, it will get messy. Also, you may not need the entire can of frosting, so start out by using almost the entire can and add more if you need to.)
  
• Roll mixture into quarter size balls and place on wax paper covered cookie sheet. (Should make 45-50)
  
• Melt chocolate in the microwave per directions on package. (30 sec intervals, stirring in between.)
  
• Dip the tip of your lollipop stick in a little of the melted candy coating and insert into the cake balls. (Insert a little less than halfway.)
  
• Place them in the freezer for a little while to firm up.
  
• Once firm, carefully insert the cake ball into the candy coating by holding the lollipop stick and rotating until covered. Once covered remove and softly tap and rotate until the excess chocolate falls off. Don't tap too hard or the cake ball will fall off, too.
  
• Place in a styrofoam block to dry.
  
• Once dry, draw faces with an edible ink pen and allow ink to dry!
  
• Pray