Carnival in the Casa

Do you see that cord running over the door? This old apt, in addition to having only 5 outlets TOTAL IN THE WHOLE PLACE, has the cable jack way back in the kitchen. So this cord has to go all the way around the room, looking ghetto, until it reaches the TV. Occasionally the classy Ductape job will come loose and tangle around the upper hinge, causing the door to jam a quarter of the way upon opening. My expectations of a clear doorway and forward momentum will cause me to jam through the crack, trip over the now-loose wire, and fall on the tile. Or my dog. I will not miss this.

Sorry, this has nothing to do with food. End Rant.

This week, we tackle....corn dogs.

I am sensing an unhealthy trend here - why is around 40% of all my experiments fried? Possibly because I consider anything to be fried delicious? Or because I usually never do it? The world may never know.

You might be wondering where all this oil is coming from. When my sister moved, I suddenly became the proud owner of 3 gallons of vegetable oil. Add that to my existing 2 gallons purchased via Costco, and that is a lot of oil. Now I need to get rid of it before I move - hence, frying everything in sight. Besides, you should NEVER re-used fry oil; the high temperatures break down the oil molecules, and bad things happen. Too lazy to get into it here. Just don't do it.

doggies in a row

Anyway, corn dogs. I love corn dogs. Crispy coating with a hint of corn yumminess surrounding a hog dog; which, although it is mystery meat, the fact that I could not have them as a child makes me want them as an adult, and damn the consequences. I'm pretty sure psychology would have something to say about this.

I picked this recipe, because I noticed bacon in the ingredient list. Bacon, people. That automatically means that this is going to be awesome, because nothing tastes bad when bacon's involved. When you want something to be great, what do chefs do? Wrap it in bacon. From filet mignon to fried mac and cheese. (Yes, Bacon-wrapped fried mac and cheese. It might even be too much for me. Naturally, we have Paula Deen, who is trying to reduce the world population via heart disease, to thank for that little gem).

All in all, the technique level is pretty low on this one:

• grab hot dog



• insert stick



• dunk in batter



• fry



• shove in face



• get fat



• repeat
  
  
  

Impaled! I used disposable chopsticks for the skewers.

Once prepped, I put the batter in a tall, thin glass. and dunked in the hot dog. Then, into the oil!

At this point, a problem became apparent. When you think of Ball Park franks, what immediately pops into your brain? If you're a giant reservoir of product jingles like most of the nation, your brain will start shrieking, 'They plump when you cook 'em!!'

My brain did not chime in with this tidbit of information while in the grocery store. It was too busy screaming, 'Hot dogs! Yay! I can eat these without feeling like a bad person, because it's all for the blog right? Ooo, Ballparks, my favorite. They are big too, so the chopsticks won't crumble them. Huzzah! La de dah...' And so on.

So, when the actual cooking began, guess what happened!? They freaking plumped. But not after the batter had already set, so.....

This picture seems almost indecent - like a hot dog strip show. Take it off, baby!

It busted out of that shell Hulk-style. I proceeded to be pissed. What a waste - now I had all these hot dogs that were going to be unfulfilled corn dogs. I decided, screw it. I was going to finish these off, by god, because I'm not sure what else to do with 7 hot dogs on sticks. So I just lowered the temp of the oil in a last-ditch effort to not cook the breading before the plumping action took place.

Miraculously, it worked. Surprised all around. So, the dipping and frying commenced. And there was joy.

Hey! They look like actual corn dogs!

I was pretty pleased.

David was very pleased. For all his being 'grossed out' by fried, fatty things, he sure doesn't have any problem devouring them in mass quantities if I put it in front of him. He wanted to keep eating them, so I had to pack the extras away in the freezer before his heart exploded.

I asked for an action shot, and I get this - Mindless Zombie Eating Corn Dog

They were prefect dogs, taste-wise. I think that little bit of bacon grease really made the difference.

Behold - Le Corn Dog

Homemade Corn Dogs

INGREDIENTS
1 quart oil for deep frying
1 cup all-purpose flour
2/3 cup yellow cornmeal
1/4 cup white sugar
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons bacon drippings
1 egg, beaten
1 1/4 cups buttermilk
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
2 pounds hot dogs
wooden sticks (I used chopsticks)

DIRECTIONS
1. Heat oil in a deep fryer to 365 degrees F (185 degrees C).
2. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder and salt. Stir in melted bacon drippings. Make a well in the center, and pour in the egg, buttermilk, and baking soda. Mix until everything is smooth and well blended. Pour it into a tall drinking glass.
3. Pat the hot dogs dry with paper towels so that the batter will stick. Insert wooden sticks into the ends. Dip the hot dogs in the batter one at a time, shaking off the excess. Deep fry a few at a time in the hot oil until they are as brown as you like them. Drain on paper towels or serve on paper plates.

• 
  
  If you have trouble getting your batter to stick, dip the battered dog into the hot oil for just a couple of seconds to set a thin layer of batter. Allow it to cool a bit then re-batter it. The second layer will stick much better.Allow corn dogs to cool to room temperature then place on a baking sheet and freeze. Once they are fully frozen, put them into freezer bags. Reheat them at 400°F in the oven for about 20 min and serve with plenty of ketchup and mustard!