The Joys of Dog Ownership

I originally wasn't going to post about this little drama, but after telling my sister the story, she thought it was hilarious. That could be a genetic thing, but oh well. It's up for posterity's sake if nothing else.


About a week before Corene came to visit, Lily got really sick. About 2 weeks before that, we had taken her on a waterfall hike that was rife with Leptospirosis. Hmmm. She's been vaccinated, so we hadn't really thought about it.

Back to the present, Lily is starting to not look so good.

It started with a little snuggling. Now, that may not seem like a symptom, but when Lily gets sick she suddenly wants to be in your lap. Not just nearby, but all bony, 65 lbs of dog wants to be right up in your business. All the time. This is probably my fault, because when she was a puppy and was sick, I would sit on the floor and she would crawl over in my lap. At the time, I thoght this was super-cute, probably because she usually didn't wat to be around us that uch. Alos, she wieghed 6 lbs.

Anyway, it progressed to vomiting, and in a few days had increased to vomiting, depression, no appetite, frequent urination, and blood where there shouldn't be any.

ACK ACK ACK

Vet Tech Tiffy is starting to freak the heck out. (Vet Tech Tiffy - now with Vicodin!) Ha, if only.

David was in California, so I basically spent all my free time (and time at work) freaking out that my dog might possibly be dead by the time I got home. This was not helped by the fact that when I called the vet who vaccinated her for Leptospirosis, (of COURSE all the symptoms matched) they told me that even though she was vaccinated, it is only good for about 10 strains of Lepto, and there are around 100. WHAT.

So, we were going to the vet. However, the night before our appointment, Lily puked something up the size of her head, and immediately started getting better. I could not tell what the hell it was, I was just glad it was out of her. Later, David deduced that he had bought Lily some new dental treats (no, not Greenies, before you ask) and they aparently were not t he best. It was a good thing he only gave her half a bone.

Fast forward about a week, and Corene is visiting. Yay! I needed a few things from the grocery store, so we decided to turn it into an outing, and all walked over, leaving Lily in the house. Now, we hide all of Lily's things in the guest room closest, because she is one nosy booger. So, we make sure to always keep that stuff closed away.

Poor Corene was not used to this however, so when we came home, we found out that Lily had plundered her stash, and of course had choose to eat god knows how many of her NEW DENTAL BONES.

OF COURSE.

Some of you might be asking, 'why did you still have those things in your house!?' To which I have no real answer. I asked myself that a lot in the next few hours.

So. Panic Mode.

If half of a bone did that to her, what on earth would 5-6 fll bones do? I did not want to find out. I ran to my trusty book for pet medical problems. I love that thing. Best $15 I ever spent. If they have one of those for babies, I'm totally getting it. Although I bet instructions like' 'don't crop up too often. Or maybe they do. What do I know?

Anyway, the solution was vomiting! Again. I just wanted that crap out of here RIGHT THIS INSTANT. The Book said to give her a dose of hydrogen peroxide, which should make her throw up. Why yes, that is toxic! Hence the throwing up. But you can only give them three doses - after that you have to take them to the vet and get their stomach pumped, or something.

When something goes wrong with the dog, I take over because it's my 'thing'. However, when it is our dog, my 'thing' is also put on the freak out face and disregard all other people's feelings. So, bossy Tiffany is stalking about the apatment, barking orders and having a nervuos breakdown at the same time.

I prepared for war.

You might remember that our balcony normally looks like this:

Now imagine it with all items stacked into some precarious tower in the corner, leaving lots of wiggel room for Lily and I to fight in, because, as it turns out, dogs don't like drinking hydrogen peroxide. Go figure.

Due to the plate glass, everyone in the house had a great view of the epic struggle going on. Me, armed with my baggie of H202 in my rolled up jeans, Lily with teeth and cuteness on her side. I definitely flet like the bad guy.

So, hilarity ensued. I wonder what it looked like, me and the dog, dancing around eat other as I randomly squired hydrogen peroxide at her, slipping around in the quickly accumlating drool/h202 mixture. And you didn't think I did anythig fun on Friday nights.

It was a disater. I would swwop down on Lily, attempt to pry her little stubbonr jaws apart, and then unload my h202 in her general direction. It went evyerwhere. I am pretty sure I killed a plant with it, and Lily's chest was soaked. Eventually I called in the troops (David) and he tried to hold her while I tried to dose her. After the second dose, Lily was lookig a little green, but keeping it down. How come you never puke when I WANT you to, dog!? I was freakking out. One more chance - then off to dogie ER, which is a kick in the pants. Specifically in the left buttcheck, where your wallet is.

So, I todl David to go buy a turkey baster. That's right. A baster. I bet no one asks me to make the turkey next year!

Anyway, the baster rained supreme. I have never been so relieved. At least, until I looked around and took stock of the huge mess I'd be cleaning up shortly.


So it all ended well, once it was over. We threw out the remaining bones. That dog will eat anything.